Windows 98se

Last night and this morning just go to show me how frustration gets me absolutely nowhere. Not that I'll never experience it again, mind you, BUT... here's my newest list of things I've done with VMs.

Goals:
- Install software for my Handspring Visor Edge and successfully synchronize it.
- Install and use Ejay Techno 2 successfully.

Subgoals that arose out of the above:
- Install audio drivers for Windows 98se
- Install Windows XP into a VM

Things that have happened since I spent part of last night and the first half hour of wakefulness this morning on the above goals:
- I now have an XP VM, which I sort of wanted anyway.
- Soran (my Edge) has successfully synchronized to Talon (macbook pro) for the first time last night. It's living in Windows XP!!
- Ejay Techno 2 is working successfully in Windows 98se.
- I researched and found audio drivers for Windows 98se.
- While looking to fix the audio issue in 98, I also found drivers for mass usb devices (SCORE!!).
- Ditto the above, I also found some information on the last real "unknown" device, a PCI System Peripheral. Haven't tried that yet, because I don't care at the moment what it is, but eventually I'll figure that out, too.

Below are my really really happy screenshots. :D :D :D

Now if I could just figure out where to get the proper drivers for my foot, I'd be all set. I wish the human body were this easy...

TEA PARTYYYYYY!!!!!

TODAY!! Can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait

Cold or not out there, I just wrote up the tea menu for today's little event and I think the words alone which I have written may indeed just have me smitten!! WHEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I should put on some water, now, I want tea and the official Tea is not for HOURS. :: gripe ::

~w

Edit hosts file on mac

http://decoding.wordpress.com/2009/04/06/how-to-edit-the-hosts-file-in-mac-os-x-leopard/

Step 1 – Open the Terminal.app

Either by start typing Terminal on the Spotlight, or by going into Applications -> Utilities -> Terminal.

Step 2 – Open the hosts file

Open the hosts by typing on the Terminal that you have just opened:

1	$ sudo nano /private/etc/hosts

Type your user password when prompted.

Step 3 – Edit the hosts file

The hosts file contains some comments (lines starting with the # symbol), as well as some default hostname mappings (e.g. 127.0.0.1 – localhost).
Simply append your new mappings underneath the default ones. Or edit one of the default values if you know what you are doing!
You can navigate the file using the arrow keys.

Step 4 – Save the hosts file

When done editing the hosts file, press control-o to save the file.
Press enter on the filename prompt, and control-x to exit the editor.

Step 5 – Flush the DNS cache

On Leopard you can issue a simple Terminal command to flush the DNS cache, and have your host file changes to take immediate effect:

1	$ dscacheutil -flushcache

You can now test your new mapping on the browser!

Tea pouring

So I was reading on Wikipedia again today about how some people in Northern Africa and West Africa pour their tea from different heights. Moroccan tea is apparently done this way to create a "foam" on the tea, and apparently the altitude of pouring can also affect flavour.

Not wanting to be left out (and being immensely experiential in nature) I decided to try this with the tea left in my teapot this morning. Here are my observations.

1. It's not that hard. I started low and pulled straight up to ensure I was accurate and didn't dump tea all over my desk.
2. It does create a bit of a foam.
3. I didn't notice a taste difference with the Fujian Baroque I tried it on.
4. Doing this requires a towel to wipe things down if you do it around things that should not be splatter with tea, such as monitors and laptops.

Fun!! I need to make more tea.

~w

POEM: Sovereigns

SOVEREIGNS
2011101901 - c2011 WLC

Flickering shadows on the walls
Half-moon lit 'tween wintry squalls
Sparkling starlight in your eyes
Happiness in both our sighs
I watch the stars and colours then
Swirling where my breath has been
And feel your words, their implied task
As if you always need to ask

Won't you say you love me back
Provide me something that I lack
Inside myself, uncertainty
Looms before my sovereignty

Answers come with sultry touch
Reaching out, a mindful rush
Drawn-out exhalation
Accepting exaltation
Fingers streaming light
Only I can sight
A dream that we both keep
And still I feel you asking me

Won't you say you love me back
Provide me something that I lack
Inside myself, uncertainty
Looms before my sovereignty

Inside the night, my mind at rest
A simple touch should pass this test
If this is real, if you are real
All I know, it is surreal
Don't you know I understand
The crazy wonder that you feel

So won't you say you love me back
Provide me what I think I lack
Inside myself, uncertainty
Looms before my sovereignty

Safari vs tabs instead of new windows for LINKS

1. Quit Safari
2. Open Terminal.app
3. Enter defaults write com.apple.Safari TargetedClicksCreateTabs -bool true and press enter
4. Open Safari
5. Notice that links that used to open in a new window will now open in a new tab

guinness is gooooood

Man, I love this beer.  "Beer is an acquired taste," Mum once told me.  "Yuck," I said when I first tried it.  "Yuck!" I said when I tried it later in life.  And again several times after that, unless it was Michelob with chocolate chip cookies on an empty stomach.  Then I tried Guinness.  "Mmm..." I said, pulling the glass back for another long haul of the foamy stuff.  "Mmmm!"

It /is/ an acquired taste.  You have to acquire the right beer!!  hahaha

Oh yeah, and it /needs/ to be in a heavy glass, too.  Dunno why.  Just part of the experience for me.

Salud?

~w

windows 98!!

I've been trying to get my Handspring Visor Edge from the year 2000 to work on my 2011 macbook pro and synch up.  (What?!  The technologies are only 11 years apart!!)  This is what I've found so far.

- Won't work with Snow Leopard.  Handspring stopped updating its software at least one or two versions ago.  Whups...

- Recommended using third-party software.  Checked that out, but they didn't support the Visor Edge model.  I've recommended they do at least twice and haven't heard back.

- Won't work with Windows 7, too new.  Recommended the same as the above.  Dammit!

- Installed Windows 95 as a VM.

- My old handspring software looked like it might work!!  But it wanted Windows Socket 2 update.

- Found the Socket 2 update on Microsoft's website.  Wow!  I was impressed!!

- Handspring software installed fine!!

- Found out Handspring software only supports serial connections in Windows 95.  No serials here.  DAMMIT!!

- Installed Windows 98se as a VM.

- Handspring software worked well.

- Problem is, Windows cannot see the USB driver.  DAMMIT!!  Won't synch!!

- Discovered you can add a virtual serial port to VM... did so for Windows 98se...

- Cannot figure out what the serial port /does/... or how to use it...

- RESEARCH CONTINUES.

Note that the above has taken several hours over the last year... whenever I get the inkling to get this thing working again... see, I currently use my $389 piece of old technology for shopping lists.  I would like to get an old game called hmaki on there.  The only way for me to do that is to get the thing to synch up to one of my computers.  I could just hook it up to Selene, who already has 98se, the handspring software, and probably the hmaki program on her, but... that would be way too easy.  I want something more... accessible.

Maybe if I got a usb to serial to usb converter...

I love my truck

I was driving Twitchy today and was reeeeeeeally appreciating the fact I can drive standard now, because it really does give such a sense of control over the whole concept of driving.  You're not just sitting there like a bump on a log, watching the world pass you by as if you're at some puppet show with flashing lights.

However, I am currently imagining the lofty view from Dante and can't help but think it:  I love my truck.  Automatic or not, it's a beautiful little slipper of a truck, shiny when freshly washed, giving me a nice view of what's down below.  And when it goes up a hill, it simply doesn't care - the V6 kicks in and goes "WHROOOOOOOM!" as if the 50 degree angle were like riding over a piece of flat paper stuck to the pavement.  Dante ... simply ... goes.  Not all at once, mind, but... he goes.

It has been striking me in the past few years just how much I'm beginning to appreciate different vehicles.  I like driving new things and taking on new driving experiences.  It's fun.  It's challenging at times but mostly fun and very interesting.  And even after all the cars I've driven, I have fallen for just a few with any real lust:  My truck, Dante; Dale's car, Twitchy; Dale's other car, Chip; and a friend's WRX.  I sort of liked the first Civic I drove, but the second, newer one just doesn't go at all.  The Ford Explorer was OK but the Kia had to go.  I didn't care for the Stratus.  The little red car, the medium white one, and the great big white old one were ok, but nothing memorable other than the old one shaking all over when I hit 50MPH.

This all tells me a couple of things.  First, I like power in a vehicle.  Second, I like familiarity.  And Third, I LOVE MY TRUCK.  I made the right choice, buying that beast.  He's a good one, that truck.  I'm very lucky that my first vehicle is something I still enjoy six years later and want to keep around.

Doesn't mean I can't wait to get a WRX in a few more years, though.  LOL.

~w

Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs died today.

The strange thing about his death is that it has struck me much more deeply than I'd expected.  Of course we all die, Steve being no exception; at least Steve's passing seemed a bit more pending these past several years and thus far less surprising.  Yet when I read the news a short while ago, I began thinking of the awesome accomplishments he'd fought for and made, the lives he's touched whether directly or not, and the many mistakes he's sure to have made as a fellow human being, especially as one who refused to settle on "good enough."  I settled into my own mind and realized that the lives right here in this house have been affected by him in some way.  Dale got into Apple a bit before I did, and in fact got /me/ into Apple products.  He gave me Shady as an engagement gift, knowing that I was saving for an iMac, and I knew I'd decided to say yes to the right man.  Later, when standing in line at the Apple Store in Portland, Maine, I decided on the fly to get an iPad as well, the day they first came out.  We were there at 6 a.m.  Since that fateful day, I still love my first-gen iPad.  Dale's gone through a few iterations of iPods and iPhones, bought me an iPod that's engraved, and he's collected a number of older beasts, one of which he named Lisa in honor of "the" Lisa.  He gave his laptop away from disuse and gave away a modified iMac that he got working by swapping around some parts.  He's been amazing, setting up his little Mac Mini as a DVR.  This past February, I bought my MacBook.  I'd wrestled with the idea of an iPhone but ultimately decided I honestly didn't need it or the accompanying bill, despite my fascination with the wondrous technology.  I've tried other devices that are similar to the iPad and they simply lack the polished feel that Apple products project.

Since becoming an Apple fan, we've been blessed with seeing One Infinite Loop.  Like other creatures of curiosity, we've watched numerous videos about the history of Apple Computer, Steve Jobs, and Steve Wozniak.  We have experienced over four years of a happy marriage so far and often recreate our memories on Apple products to hold onto and cherish forever.  I still remember the animated talks that we've had with our friend, Michael, the Apple Angel and guru around these parts, the guy that convinced Dale to go Apple and never look back.  I've watched, somewhat sadly, as my self-built towers, adopted laptops, consoles, and towers have all passed from the highlights in my life to strongly held memories or beloved hunks of metal that are held as relics, "just in case," or "for the good ol' days."  I've watched as my lust for understanding and control has subsided into a sort of quiet reverie, an acceptance that I don't need to fix something because it's not nearly as imperfect as things used to be... that I've finally found products that already DO my bidding rather than create havoc that needs to be rounded up and guardedly controlled by my own hands.

We've gotten Dale's mom on an iMac and we've convinced several people to go that route as well.  Even my own boss, who once pooh-poohed the concept of such an "easy" piece of tech, eventually saw my iPad and had to have one.  Shortly thereafter, he had an iPhone and he cannot part with it.  A couple other people at work were also convinced and ended up with Apple products instead of a "pee cee."  In short, we're drinking the damned water, and we're OK with it because it tastes soooooooo refreshingly good.  It's worth the price tag.  It's worth the jeers and the teasing from our technological peers.  It's worth the upturned noses.  We have stopped caring that owning a mac was once seen as making us dumber or lowering our IQs to something below that of the fuzz in our belly buttons and instead we see it as a badge of efficiency, simplicity, and beauty that is greatly lost on much of the world these days.  It's a symbol - and an example! - of doing things right and taking the time to see to the details instead of cutting jagged corners that shatter or writing news casts ridden with gross misspellings and grammatical faux pas.

So, as I sat here eating a simple salad and reading up on Facebook, I felt hot tears slide down my cheeks as a fellow geek's post appeared before me:  "RIP Steve Jobs."  I couldn't believe I hadn't heard the news, then I realized he'd just posted it 17 minutes earlier.  I flipped through sites and found that indeed, the news had scarcely been announced.  The tears stung softly, the aching in my heart a gentle throb that was both sad but also knowing and accepting.  Apple's own site even caused a ripple of silence within me:  Simply his name and the years, 1955-2011.  A black and white photo of him with that piercing look he had, on a simple white background.  Even in his death, the simplicity of the page resonated louder than any words ever could.

Steve has touched lives and will continue to do so.  Just as life could not hold him back, neither will death.  He is a cofounder of Apple.  He is the spirit of "Think Differently."  And even people like me, who barely even knew of him until the last decade of his life, can recognize the loss we share today.  We can recognize the inspiration that breathes in every gesture, every swipe, every voice command, every mouse click, every keystroke.  Every song we download whispers his memory.  Every time our MacBooks sleep, the glowing lights will breathe his life back into our memories.

Rest in peace, Steve, and thank you for sharing.

Whitney

Pumpkin seeds, the epitome of terror

Last night, Dale carved pumpkins while I tried to gather seeds from them for roasting. First time I tried separating pumpkin seeds from orange slop. I got a good amount but didn't get through them all. Then I fell asleep at my desk and when I opened my eyes, I saw a pumpkin seed stuck to my arm. I almost jumped out of my skin: GAHHHH!!! GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME!! NO MORE SEEEEEEDS!!!! (I think I had nightmares about seeds)

Carnage

Thought she could hide on the ceiling. Hah! Killed her dead with my 100% Authentic Nerf .357 pump-action pistol at a 2-3 foot range. Nifty, huh? I also tagged a male but only crippled him. Still looking for 'im, the li'l buggers done and gone run off on me with only five legs.

Nose wins again...

So I got out my breakfast stuffs and saw the yogurt. Hmmm... I could have jam or something in that, I thought. I see the cherry spread and a grin spreads across my face. I open the jar and peek in. No mold or other unsavories. I take a quick sniff just to make sure it smells like cherry spread. Satisfied, I pull it away from my face. Wait. NOT satisified. I peek back in, still not seeing anything. I sniff again, tentatively. Nope, nothing there... No, wait a second. Mold. I swear it. I look more carefully, still not seeing it. No mold. It is not there. But I am still smelling it, a faint whiff, very distinct. It has to be in here, I think, recalling very few instances where my nose was wrong. The spread is old, anyway, so it was a bit surprising it .asted so long... It has to be in here, maybe so minute that - then I spotted it: this dark, mysterious, greyish fuzzy slime clinging decisively to the side of the jar, just at the bottom of the jar's lip, where you would really have to be looking for it to have seen it. It sticks its tongue out at me and multiplies. I.e., then I realized its little family of spores had congregated around that edge, having little parties in my absence.

Nose wins again. The parties have been pigged.

~w

Windows 95?!

I just spent the last 2+ hours getting Windows 95 into a VM on my macbook pro so I can play Pod Racer.

Why?  Because I'm totally nuts.

So now I've got 16 bit colour and a bunch of startup things that aren't working.  Yay!!!!!  SVGA, though!!  Snazzy, huh?  And I got a floppy drive!!  (Virtual one anyway)  It's really brought back a lot of [cough cough frustrating] memories, that's for sure.  Nostalgia... nothing like it.

What I /ought/ to do is dump photography altogether and just start building virtual machines all over this thing's hard drive.  THAT would be cool.  Probably take up less space that way...

Cheers!

~w

spaghetti sauce!

Dale's spaghetti sauce took a wrong turn and grew mold during the time between last spaghetti night and tonight's spaghetti night.

I asked if we had tomato paste in the house, and we had one small can left. I proceeded to whip up my own version of sauce with a quick reference from the internets. Turns out we were missed several other components, but we had oregano, basil, parsley, and some frozen corn and peppers. I dumped it all in and added some ground coriander, a bit of water, a little olive oil, and a bit of italian seasoning. A quick taste revealed a very acidic sauce, so I dumped in a wee bit of sugar to balance it out.

While I liked my version, I typically don't like spaghetti sauce. So I was surprised that I was able to whip something up on a whim like that. Dale seemed to like it OK, so I did something right! But leave it to me to make something I don't even want to eat...

:)

~w

Not totally tone deaf (or something)

My friend, Jen, posted on facebook this link, saying she's recently reacquired the album and had forgotten how much she had liked it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DQxFG2hlGs&feature=share

I took a listen and immediately thought a) a guy sang the beginning and b) the higher pitched woman sounded a LOT like Kate Bush.  I listened a few more times, and realized the "guy" was actually a deep-voiced woman.  I almost thought it was Annie Lennox, but not quite.  So I finally looked up this Happy Rhodes business for myself, wondering if the woman was the /same/ woman throughout the whole song... and if so, it's gotta be one heck of a range she's got.

Four octaves, to be exact, with influences of Kate Bush and the occasional glimpse of Annie Lennox.  See /this/ link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_Rhodes

So apparently my ears ARE good after all, considering I only listened in passing.  Methinks that my family's musical abilities are simply a bit dormant in me and needed to be woken up by my self-instructed musical studies over the years, or, more likely, the intense listening to details in songs I loved combined with the brief studies in high school.  I may not have a good singing voice but I /do/ have /some/ sort of an ear for music these days.  Heck, I must have had it even several years back, given that I surprised my musician friend, Rob, when I picked out an augmented fifth from a Beach Boys song I'd never heard before.  I remember listening to the song with him at work and I was like, "Whoa, hold on.  That sounded like an augmented fifth.  Can you back that up a second?"  He did, already staring at me funny, and so I'm like, "Wow, I've never heard that in a song before, only heard /of/ those things.  That is what that was, wasn't it?  Or was it?  Why are you looking at me like that?"  (And I keep thinking I don't have an auditory memory ... I'd learned about augmented fifths in a high school music theory class and cannot tell you now what, exactly, they are... only that I recognized it when I heard it.  Talk about /selective/ memory!)

Detecting things in sound is still a mystery to me, though... like, seeing things in 2D form makes total sense to me, but hearing subtleties in music or speech or even something as simple as a bird chirping can completely overwhelm me with disbelief.  Sometimes I wonder if I experience sound a little bit like a deaf child would once they got over the shock of sound after an operation to give them their hearing.  It's got to be wondrous in many ways, even if spooky and unfamiliar.

Oh!!  That reminds me!!  I dreamt a poem this morning.  It's kinda silly, but it arose while I dreamt of the situation around it... the dream was that I opened a car door and saw the mirror move with it.  I had the notion that I was dizzy, and there was a hill right there, going down, a nice, grassy hill.  I "heard" the poem float through my mind at that instant, and it kept going through my head as I woke up, so I jotted it down.  It goes thusly.  I've named it "The Tumbling Dream" since it pertains and I did not "hear" the name otherwise.  I figure it doesn't care if it's named or not, or needed me to do it.

I opened my car door

The mirror moved fast

I tried holding my balance

But it didn't last

So I fell down the hill

Where I came to lay still

~w

Egads, this keeps going and going and...

Talon is working overtime today.  In addition to sorting through a gazillion pictures, I've also been opening and closing Outlook in its Unified state (Windows 7 in the background in a VM, but you only see Outlook).  AND I updated my website, psychomuse.com.  AND I've been scanning images into iPhoto.  AND I'm listening to iTunes.  AND I'm surfing the net.  AND I opened Scrivener for a while.  Talon has been up and running for 15 days.  The only reason it's not 30 is because I try to reboot him every two weeks or so, and then do a clone, just to make sure any bugs are cleared out.

I did have to log out of Windows and log back in earlier, though... Outlook decided it didn't want to play nice.  And iWeb crashed once.  In fact, it was when I opened Outlook...

~w

New treat

I just discovered that I like a form of corn meal mush with lentil soup.

Go figure.  I take corn meal, mix with water, and boil in a small fry pan with a glob of butter until it turns into a very very creamy gloppy pile of yum.  Then I dump it in a bowl and pour some lentil soup next to it, so they sort of touch.  Usually I don't like my foods touching unless they were made that way on purpose, but this is quite yummy.

:)

Photography

I have come to somehow frown upon my own abilities as a photographer.  I think it's the camera.  Not that the camera cannot do most of what I want to do.  It's about my experience actually taking the photos.  I see the shot, I take it, and then I review it.  The LCD on the camera never does the photo justice, so I often think I need to take another.  This leads to great frustration and I have to remind myself it's probably much better than it looks on the LCD.  Then I get things home and I'm often pleasantly surprised, but by then, I've already subtly thought to myself that I have no idea what I'm doing.  So then I start believing that, even when I see shots that are otherwise very very good.  I find myself going, "Wow, that camera takes beautiful people shots" instead of "Wow, I can't believe I can make the camera do that."  I feel like my abilities are nothing compared to what the camera's are, and I'm somehow doing things wrong constantly and the camera is the one doing the good stuff.  Let alone that I'm the one that frames things, which is a very large portion of making something look good.  Timing is mine, too, and often, so is the exposure, aperture, and shutter speed.  I control ISO tightly, too, because otherwise the camera thinks less light means higher ISO, and for me, that usually makes the process suck worse than a slight blur or having to hold still longer.  No matter, I /do/ know that while I have an extremely good portraiture lens, it is simply NOT made to take detailed macro shots and that right there drives me insane even though I know better.  I need to find myself a macro lens that is OK with taking general shots as well as macros.  I miss that aspect of my photography greatly.  Eventually I should look into lighting, too, but I rather like the lack of planning I usually experience during snapshots on the road and the like.  And lighting is not as portable.  I like a light load.  One reason I miss Obsidian.  That little PowerShot may have had some power issues like the rest of the line, but the quality was stunning.  I knew that camera inside and out, knew its limits, knew how to get around most of them, knew my own limits with it, and had many filters to play with.  I miss all that sometimes.  Dale assures me, however, that if I were to take pictures with Obsidian again, I'd likely find the limitations frustrating in no time.  I guess the truth is, I'm never satisfied with technology because not one single piece of tech can possibly meet all of my whims.  At least, not yet!

~w

Happy Birthday Peter Cetera

On this day in 1944, a wonderful singer, songwriter, bassist, and all around musician, Peter Cetera, was born.

Happy Birthday, Peter!

~w

poem: Angry Birds

Title's up for consideration still, but it was the first thing that came to me.  You'll note this may have elements of rap in it.  If so, it's likely because I was listening to Eminem as I wrote it.  Damned inspiration... it comes from some interesting sources.

ANGRY BIRDS

2011090401 - c2011 WLC

I watch the rain drops dancing on my head

Memories go back to when I'd wanted to be dead

When like a phoenix I had risen from the ashes

Ready to be what I wanted regardless of the asses

Back when all my friends said I should like rap

And all I could think about was Chicago not "back that ass up"

Peter and Richard were my inspiration

Even during all the hazardous times of declaration

When momma told me I should just quit

I fought against her life because I didn't wanna live it

Anymore, I'd had enough of people looking down on me

I'd had enough of living in destitution and poverty

My momma said when I grew up I could do

What I wanted but when I grew up she controlled me too

And then she left me here all on my own

And I wasn't strong enough to go

But for the first time I was truly by myself

And for the first time I was free to go through hell

I waded through the waters and got my heartbeat skipping

It got broken, it got shattered, but I was finally living

My life.  Then she was right there begging

All the while telling me how evil I was being

Imperfection's not so bad when you're living on your own

After all, I could do whatever I wanted, I was grown

Up, and I wanted to be happy

With what I was and what I was was friggin' snappy

I got some decent counselling and 'fore I knew, I knew

Someone really special I could spend my life with, too

I had come to know myself and all my imperfections

I had learned to worry for myself and all my aspirations

Go figure, now I'm here and at times don't even care

Sometimes I just sit back, and wonder why I'm breathing air

But she came, and she tried to take my thunder

I sat back relaxing, so lost was I in wonder

You stupid bitch, you don't even understand

What constitutes a friendship, so I took a stand

How surprised you acted when I went and slapped your face

Without any words and without a hand, you got a taste

Of my opinions towards your sorry ass

And I thought that I had won over that sassy lass

In a swirling moment we all found out the truth

And I found out on that day why I had always hated youth

Yet I overcame it all again despite my aching heart

My anger, like a cancer, exploded, but still we're not apart

Over time I've healed again but sometimes it comes right back

To where the floods come and meet where the roads'll crack

With the rivers rising all around us we sit here in shocked horror

Worlds destroyed beyond belief but people work together

To rebuild all that that has been broken.  I love to watch

The teamwork's like a crab hanging onto some rich girl's crotch

Holding onto threads of gold as if it were a privilege

But don't you understand?  It's like we're on the edge

Looking down upon the valleys and diving into pools

Of sparkling waters from Heaven instead of pools of a dog's drool

We have the means to make it, we have the shield to keep the demons out

We can live it up, eat chowder, while everybody screams and shouts the words out loud

Life sucks and it's so hard to live, oh my god, how can anybody take it all

Fuck this shit, I'll kick her ass, and then you and I should go hit the mall

No fucking way, I'd rather sit here drinking tea and being me

I like the silence in my ears when I'm sitting here just learning to be

She may have won some places in my heart but she won't ever win

Over my hatred because hating her won't get me anything

'Cept a bruised ego and a hardened blackened heart

Then we might as well have been discreetly torn apart

Now before my fingers find themselves typing any louder

Let's go get us some of that finger-lickin' chowder

Aura photo

I had an aura photo taken yesterday at 1:35pm.

Meaning that was told to me (I am very likely paraphrasing): Rare display as far as the actual pattern goes. Possibly feminine protective spirit protecting my head. Because of the intensity of the yellow cover over my head/face, believed 3 or 4 of such protectors or spirits may be present. He was very insistent that a significant change was due, financially, job-wise, something like that, but it would be an easy change for me because of the groundedness. Said "what's coming" is from the bottom towards the right side, what's now is over my head, and the stuff on the left is more typical. (I think.)
Bottom reddish color: grounded, very stable
Lighter orangey colour below yellow: new romance, or rekindling of existing one.
Yellow: intense intellectual activity. (I was studying the camera when he took the picture because it was a different kind than I'd seen before.)
Red at the top: Very comfortable with who I am.
Very red color to left: Very loving, signifies that people are likely attracted to me without necessarily knowing why. (Definitely paraphrasing there, it was something like that.)
Deeper violet colours at top: He thought this might be the fading into the purple that I normally sense. Intuitive. (Duh)

I was VERY surprised by this photo, but he explained that it's a close up compared to the old photography methods. I deducted from this that the purple is further out, and I cannot see it in the photo but do see it on myself. I do not see the other colours shown in the photo, however. Of course, these colours can change from moment to moment and I was also being strongly affected by being in the place, so despite seeing a good deal of purple from my fingers, admittedly, I did not get to look at the aura around my head. I typically don't bother because I usually see purple around my head, too, and that's never really changed.

The photo was unplanned. I had been wanting one done again for a couple of years now, because I feel far more outgoing than I used to be, more balanced, happier, friendlier, sure of myself, et al. The old photo was over a decade ago and I was less involved with people, much more insecure, and still quite attached to my mother who was not always good for my sense of worth. I also had a lot of growing up to do, still, and hadn't yet become fully comfortable with who I was (namely because I wasn't me yet). The one place that did aura photos, though, had left town and they only did them now and then by hiring someone from another state to do them. That was about once a year and I usually missed the window. I finally got into the window and set up an appointment and that is when they left town!! So anywho, turns out this newer place in town has its own aura camera and brings it in for photos from time to time. The guy made it sound like we could call and make an appointment or something. He just happened to have it there and Jen asked what was going on around there and he brought up the fact he had the camera and was doing aura photographs. Man, did my head whip around!! It was cheaper than the first time I had it done ($20 instead of $25). I imagine that's because it's his camera and there's less equipment to haul around. The technology is certainly cheaper.