Poem: Condemnation

CONDEMNATION
2009103101 - c2009wlc

Last night I was angry
Without knowing why
I wanted to scream
And I wanted to cry

As the evening wore on
I found music instead
I poured out emotions
I thought would be dead

I couldn't touch wine
When I was having my meat
Bitter, did it taste
Then I fell asleep

And when the morning light was dawning
My brain already was awake
Churning thoughts, disrupting the waters
Of a somewhat calm lake

This morning I cried
A heavy heart pumping tears
I was soaked through and through
As slowly it dawned
That it was about you

Some good may have come from this
But to save that little girl
I'd shed many more tears
And never know them at all

Samhain's here today
The walls between us might be thin
It doesn't mean I'll let you haunt me
For in the spring new growth begins

~nv

"Sometimes I just hold you, too caught up in me to see I'm holding a
fortune that Heaven has given to me." -Richard Marx, "Now And Forever"

Sick Critters

At noon I've got an appointment with Dr. Vet to perform surgery on
Rikki and another shot for Lisa and Pippin. Rikki's got a large
tumour, Lisa's got a little one he's hoping might be just an infection
(highly doubt it on my part) and Pippin's nose area is apparently
inflamed because she's got rhinitis. I noticed that over the last
week when I first thought I saw a scab like thing spreading across the
top of her muzzle. I switched bedding and it looked like it was
clearing up but I took her in anyway just to make sure and also
because I thought she had drank way too much water one day (which
sounded all too familiar due to my last hamster). Just a day or two
ago, I also noticed she was very jumpy - i.e., if I touched her, she'd
flip around like she really didn't like it, which is odd for her.
That behaviour had existed pretty much from the time I'd had Tsia, and
I figured it was because she wasn't tame enough, but three months
later, she still wasn't tame and then died. I'd wager for Pippin that
the original scabbing issue /was/ the bedding and there were
complications from the sensitivity. I was using ComfortCare which I
realized was SOFTwood. Even though it didn't state it, it's probably
pine and cedar - both bad for little creatures' noses. I don't
understand why they sell the stuff. She's got paper towels right now
and will be switched to the Aspen I used to use (which I just found
again at the pet shop, yay!) once things have cleared up. Dr. Vet
says the shots will clear up any UTI as well, if she does have one,
but he was positive of the rhinitis. (It's like a sinus infection.)

As for Lisa, I hope he's right about her swollen mammary, but I'm
being careful not to place much hope on the shots he's giving her in
an attempt to stave off whatever he called it. He says if the lump
doesn't go away after the shots, she'll need surgery, too, because it
will be a tumour after all. I'm glad for his knowledge, because
obviously shots are easier on them than surgery, so it's worth a
shot. The tumours do grow quickly but I've a feeling he's got a
timeline in mind and won't let it get any bigger than it can in a
prescribed number of days. At the very least, I'm sure he can get her
in right away if I see the thing grow /more/.

I have no idea what all this is gonna cost but I'm NOT watching
another rat die of that crap again. Nor am I having a hamster just up
and die, either. All three of them are way too young to be getting
inflictions such as these!

Sibling Rivalry

Or rather, lack thereof.

Over the past week or so, I "met" one of my half-brothers. When I
first found him on Facebook, I'd been scanning for known names and
recognized his. A glance over at his photo short-circuited my brain.
I thought, "What the -- I never had hair /that/ short! And who the
heck are those people with me? I don't recognize -- oh!!" Indeed,
there's a resemblance. I was cautious in my approach of him when I
wrote asking about my father's parents' names, but had very little
doubt that he was the right "kid." Okay, so he's not exactly a kid,
any more than I am. LOL.

Things started out decent and cautious enough, I think. He had no
clue who I was and apparently didn't recognize the resemblance right
off. I finally ended up sorta blurting it out because I was getting
nervous that he was skeptical as to why some complete stranger would
be writing him with such detailed information. I didn't want to spook
him! Well, as it's turned out, his siblings didn't know about me,
either, which didn't surprise me. Kinda fun, in a stupid sort of
way: I'm like a skeleton in their closet they didn't even know
about. Never thought I'd exist in that manner but whatever.

Except that my existence doesn't bother them in the least, which I'm
particularly glad for because now one of my half-sisters is writing me
and asking questions in quite the excited manner. I intend to write
back later tonight once I've had a chance to think about the more
important points. (I don't wish to spook /her/ with the overzealous
writing for which I am infamous.) Admittedly, what had started out as
a desire to trace my roots has led me to finding something I never
expected. I don't even know what to call it! I guess I didn't know /
what/ to expect; I'd only hoped that at the very least I'd get the
information I wanted to continue my own research on family lines. My
worries were numerous - do I tell him of our common ancestry, or do I
skirt around it to avoid possibly hurting him, in case he didn't know
about me? But I personally prefer the truth and given his line of
questioning, I eventually decided he needed to know. The question was
how to tell him? I couldn't answer that so out it came!

At any rate, I /do/ now want to write both of them. The gentleman
writes honestly, intelligently, and with conviction, as if he has a
decent grasp on writing overall and knows exactly how to convey his
thoughts. (Sidethought: I thought my writing abilities stemmed from
my mother's upbringing and my innate need for expression; could
writing abilities also be partially genetic? Or is mere coincidence
leading to me to think this?) Of course his writing abilities impress
me given my love for the written word. She writes openly with less
precision but with far more energy. I admire that latter piece very
much. It feels like a driving force caught in a whirlwhind. No,
wait, that would be me, lol. You ever see the tasmanian devil
swirling around in his funnel, how his face appears now and then,
clear as day? Interesting sight for those around him, sure, but
imagine what things look like to him! house house house person house
house person rabbit RABBIT?! house house house person house house
person rabbit RABBIT!!! house house house... you get the idea!!

So I need to get ready for work but had to fingerblab here for a bit.
I won't deny it, I'm getting excited about knowing these folks. It's
somewhat familial on one level, but more so, I think it's simply
because they're people I don't know and I like getting to know people
who have the characteristics I've described, let alone people in
general. I hope that once the novelty of having (a) new sibling(s)
wears off, our newfound relationships do not. I further hope that my
assessments of these two people are as sound as my first impressions
usually are, because if so, I've found two gems in this great big
world full of roughcut rock and it will be only to my benefit to know
them and learn new things.

In the meantime, I mustn't forget that Dale exists. I feel that I've
been so caught up in my new thoughts lately that I may be somewhat
ignoring him and I'm trying to make sure I keep my feet on the ground
while I continue to explore this new side-path.

I will also say that "nvnohi" just became a whole lot more applicable.

~w

"The happiest life is that which constantly exercises and educates
what is best in us."
- Hamerton

Beef Stew

There's one slight problem with cooking beef stew in a crock pot overnight.

The scent of bubbling stew keeps drifting in and out of your
consciousness, teasing your digestive organs and making sleep utterly
impossible.

~nv