SISTER/FRIEND
2011062451 - c2011 WLC
You never know what you might mean
To someone else, just little things
Like the colour of your eyes
And the shape of the iris rings
So many things to commit
To memory, so many thoughts
So little time to speak them all
So many things you may have taught
My eyes are on the verge of sleep
Fingers waver on the keys
This last poem is for you
Now I'm going to catch some Z's.
UNFAMILIAR BED
2011062451 - c2011 WLC
I sit here with my laptop
In an unfamiliar bed
Pondering the what ifs
Of what might have been instead
The covers nicely turned
Sheets were freshly washed
This could be something cold and stark
Not loving to the touch
But despite the miles between us
We'll see each other soon
And if we gaze out at the sky
You and I still share the moon
So I think of you this night
And lay my head upon you
If you're dreaming you might feel it
Even sense a bit of drool
I sit here with my laptop
In an unfamiliar bed
Looking towards our future
Content excitement fills my head
HEALING
2011062001 - c2011 wlc
I woke up one morning with darkness
Living in my heart
Exploding like a bad dream
Tearing me apart
She waltzed in and stole a life
I'd only just begun
Intercepting happy thoughts
Replacing them with one
I watched your thoughts as you would try
To see the good in hers
Taking for granted all this freedom
That our love infers
Still I'm in here and she's out there
Doing whatever she does with hurting
While I try to forgive
And wake up with you each dawning morning
I woke up this morning with gladness
Sunshine living in my heart
Exploding like a fantasy
Taking me apart
My love's waltzed in, breathing life
I've finally just begun
Intercepting sadder thoughts
Replacing them with one
I wouldn't change your rosy thoughts
I love the way they think of me
I've taken for granted all the joy
In the only way you see
Still you're right here when I'm out there
Doing what I do with thinking
While you go on with living life
I stop myself from nearly sinking
I woke up this morning with the sun
Shining forgiveness into my soul
Shooting my heart into the sky
Like a seed, a tree made whole
You crept into my life
You snuck into my heart
I tried to let you in
Though I'd known it from the start
Turned into a
Love hate relationship
And now it's left to die
This thing that never was
Don't need another lie
You know, I loved you girl
Now we're left here in the end
To never understand
Why you weren't a friend
What about the shopping trip
Or all the time we spent in water
The time we spent together talking
Even with the teeter totter
I thought we could have made it
If only for the fun
But instead you lied to me
The last one said we're done
Was it all about some theft?
Were you really after him?
Were you attempting to break us up?
Why else would you interject such doubt?
No one can be so self-centered
To undermine everything I do
And then to lie straight to my face
And say you never did anything wrong
I've tossed ideas back and forth so many times
MPD? Screwed up kid?
A dear beloved said it all:
There is no way to understand.
Now I think back on the past
I hate myself for bothering
But even with the horrid points
I don't regret the mothering
Perhaps one day you'll wisen up
Learn how lies can only hurt
Remember when you said it was just a game?
It isn't when you play alone.
You tried to undermine my efforts
And just as the tension lifted some
I thought perhaps we might just make it
If only for the fun
But instead you lied again
These might have been the harshest ones
Now I know we're done
Turned into a
Never was relationship
And now I'm left with sighs
This thing that never was
Who cares about your lies
I thought I loved you, girl
But now I see you in the end
I'll never understand, you know
Why you said you were a friend
I tell my mother that she misunderstood, I wasn't asking her /about/ the bible, I wanted to know why she insisted on telling me about it... and tonight she says sorry but my telling you about the bible isn't gonna cut it. She never did answer my email about why she insists on telling me about it.
What is it about people who have to shove the same thing down your throat over and over, then absolutely cannot fathom that you're asking about something completely different? What is so difficult about the English language? Is it just bullheaded fuckedupedness or WHAT?!
GAHHHH!!!
~nv
Not sure what to write now that I'm finally in front of a keyboard and am at the ready, but I was driving home from work today and my fingers were itching to write something. VnV Nation was playing, Sentinel to be exact, and the movement of the truck's tires clinging to the pavement while whipping around the soft, fluid corner was mesmerizing, if but for a moment. The House came into view, its green shutters flashing before my eyes as if from a dream (is it?) and the tiered garden tipping towards me in greeting. The rock-lined stream soon came into view, wrapping itself around a half of the house, caressing its yard of grass and woods and completing the dreamlike picture in my restless mind.
My mind, as it were, flashed back to when I was younger and I heard the words, "I will still hope there are better days to come" over the speakers of the truck, perfectly deep and resonant. I felt caressed, or rather, my mind did; the synthesizers tickled the very essence of its being, a million little pins lightly touching my temples and energizing each side of my brain, lighting it up like a million stars in a swirl of ever-changing night sky sped up for humans to see more distinctly.
Just as quickly as it had come, the house had passed, and with it, the moment. The rush of adrenaline over the experience began to fade with the waning speed limit but I felt my cheeks flush and the energy that had formed within my spine had made it into my eager fingertips. The wheel was no longer enough and they tingled and twitched with urgency. I could do nothing for them at the time, which frustrated them, but they've grown used to that and eventually gave up the fight.
I arrived home shortly after this, and went through the usual motions of domesticity, which I have grown so fond of: Parking in the driveway, greeting my husband, settling in behind the computer, the chatter about each of our days. My attention kept drifting to the computer, of course - it's what I do, day in and day out, for the majority of my time is spent preying upon the springs of plastic buttons.
An email I read prompted me to write about one of my experiences with mental imagery, which I did with glee. Then we took off to pick up another vehicle and do some light shopping. In addition to the external conversation with my husband, my mind was having its own internal conversations with itself. This normally drives me mad - having to listen to two parties at the same time, even if one is truly out loud and the other is merely a swirling mass of thoughts. Nonetheless, it occurs, and this time I wasn't all that confused by it all. I could feel that pent up energy mounting, however.
Why, I thought, who cares what people do? I have this stuff I want to do, here and now, and there are things I want to accomplish in the future. I must seize my life by the horns and redirect it into something more productive. No, wait, I thought. I won't say "must." I will say "will." I will seize my life by the horns and redirect it towards a more productive task. I will give it purpose, even if it ends up being meaningless to everyone else besides myself.
We took separate vehicles home and I found myself listening to the same song, Sentinel, by VnV Nation. "I will still hope there are better days to come." The House flashed before my eyes again, superimposed upon the highway home. Highway to Heaven. I replayed the song at least once, my fingers eagerly anticipating my arrival home, knowing that this time, they would win. Energy pulsed through me, my mind alight with life and new direction. Somewhere, somehow, deep within my psyche, a decision had been reached.
No longer would I mourn for a friendship that never was, and no longer would I deny my fingers the chance to dance.
So now I have to go back and figure it all out, to satiate my own curiosity. Isn't it like, kinda weird, that me, the authour, has to come up with her story so I can read her story and find out what happens to her? Isn't that some sort of weird circle? Like, if I could only get through that door to get my key, then I could get through that door...
SSSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!
I've GOT to find out what happens to her!!!!!
~the restless write-as-you-go authour
Tonight we played frisbee (or disc) golf in Pittsford. Well, Dale and friends did, I just watched and offered words of encouragement, which I thought seemed more fun for me. I was smart and remembered to bring the DEET, which I sprayed liberally upon my person as soon as the bugs thought they'd found me. Then I stood back and watched with jubilance as they all bumped into each other, going, "What the...?! Where'd she go? I SWEAR she was right here!! You go that way, I'll go this way..." And they kept flying and buzzing around in circles, getting high on DEET fumes and floating around in a tizzy.
No wait. I was the one getting high on DEET fumes. I'm surprised I didn't pass out. That stuff is particularly strong in an enclosed place such as the cabin of a small car. Egads. I got home and immediately showered the nasty stuff right off me and into our water supply. Yeah, much better off having it there. Probably create some X-Men Mutants, but at least it wasn't giving ME a new esophagus. Then again, I suppose when I go swimming I could have used it as a breathing tube... oh, well. I'm sure there'll be more of an opportunity to sprout a breathing tube. I still have 80% of the bottle left.
Speaking of X-Men, we saw that movie just last night with a bunch of friends. It was really good. I miss the DND guys so it was good to hang out even if only for a few minutes, and of course Jen was there and Dale came, too, which made it particularly special, considering he wasn't sure he'd like X-Men being that it's one of those comic movies with superheroes in it. Plus, it was one heck of an awesome movie and I loved some of the references! Dale thought it was really good, too. Made me feel kinda geeky again. Things have changed for the better these past few years, but I've definitely slowed down and become more collected, and less into the excitement of technology. Of course, I /do/ still like to show off a little bit when I have Windows and Knoppix and about 95% of my gazillion apps open on my macbook all at once... but barring that, I'm really not that excitable at all!! Really!! Not even when it comes to the really exciting part of decoding perl script without even knowing the language inside and out... or feeling my eyes glisten with glee as I explained to the new guy at work today about what a couple of my happy little batch files do for us... or learning about this command "touch -t" that lets me very easily change the date and times on files... or...
Okay, I might still be slightly geeky...
Anywho, not much else new other than the freshly sliced bread on my plate. Thanks, Dale!! Methinks I'm going to go get my laundry out of the dryer, do a wee bit of drawing, and then head to bed. 'Night, all...
~w
