Winging it

So I get home today, look at the carpet, and start moving stuff off one corner of it.  Then I pull it back, grab a carpet knife, and start slicing and dicing.  The white paint that I expected to cover the entire floor... didn't.  Turns out there's actual hard wood under all the crud in quite a large area.  Not in horrid condition, either, although someone obviously knew they were going to carpet over it and didn't take care to avoid getting white paint everywhere.  We think this is because there's damage by the front door.  Possibly even a hole there, I dunno.  There was always a hump like someone carpeted over a welcome mat.  Turns out the hump is a piece of plywood with old kitchen tile (the original kitchen tile, mind you) tacked down on top of it.  Either they wanted that in front of the door, or something happened to the hardwood there and it's a makeshift cover.  Dale reminded me that there was water damage that required some reconstructive surgery at some point in the house's past, so perhaps it's related.  Regardless, we've decided to have the floor refinished so the rest of the carpet is gonna come out.  This might take the rest of the summer and fall but it'll happen.  The hardest part is moving all the crap out of the way.

On top of all that, we're not sure if we are going to repaint or not.  I'm telling Dale, if we want to do it, now is the easiest time.  Move all the stuff, paint, and then have the guy refinish the floors.  It won't get easier than that.  We wouldn't even use dropcloths.  The baseboard would be off, the walls would be bare, nothing in the way.  Now's the time to do it.  But it makes it feel much more daunting.  We just repainted the kitchen's back wall.  It was definitely some work we're not keen on doing again so soon.  So we may leave things as they are as far as that goes and just do it the long way over time.  Of course, doing all this as soon as we moved in would have been best.  I knew that going in and didn't care.  At the time.  LOL.  I look at it this way... instead of moving, we get something very different done in the house and it's like moving without as much back-breaking hassle.

Yesterday, a coworker called me at the office asking me to restore a bunch of user files from backup.  I said, "Sure, give me ten minutes."  I went into my backup files and... the user files were not there.  None of them.  When I first began working there, that entire directory wasn't being backed up.  I eventually noticed this and thought I'd fixed it. I could even swear I'd restored something to verify this.  Apparently my memory is worse than I thought it was.  I had to admit to my colleague that the user had lost two years of work.  Then something occurred to me.  "Give me a while," I told my colleague.  I went in and found our safety net.  /This/ backup is pretty much the backbone of the backbone, a last-chance of all last chances.  Not the easiest to restore from but if all else fails... well, you get the idea.  After some finagling (this was the first time I'd tried this), I got to where I could see the user's files, but I had to do some really fancy footwork to get them back to where they needed to be.  After almost three hours, I had resolved the issue by calling another colleague and he had this wonderful idea of using two virtual NICs on the same VM to transfer the files.  It worked beautifully.  In four hours' time, I went from being angry at myself for overlooking the original problem to being somewhat afraid of being fired for not doing my job properly to being ticked off at myself again to being hopeful and finally excited that I figured it out in the end (even if had help - it would have eventually occurred to me, but the help sped things up).  And, happy the user was happy.  I'm still fighting with our backups, which have been wonky anyway.  I swear I thrive on winging it, though.  Tonight I logged in and started a backup, which lagged as it has been for days now (UNACCEPTABLY FAILING IN THE PROCESS GAHHH), then in sheer desperation, I uninstalled the antivirus while the two fought.  I said, "Fuck you both, play nice," the antivirus wanted a reboot, I told it no, it killed off my backup and stuck its tongue out at me, and I swore some more as I watched three hours of painfully slow backup just disappear on me again.  Then, more determined than ever, I restarted the accursed backup despite not rebooting and now it's moving much faster - my goal.  So hopefully I get my backup tonight.  Damned computers.  Even virtual ones are frustrating.  Perhaps more so!

Meanwhile, my sd card slot has failed me completely and so has the usb headphones driver.  Or it's something in the usb hardware.  Either way, I'm really ticked off at macs right now because both items work fine on other computers.  Dammit.

But, I have a nice cup of tea, my backups are running nicely (for now), and I can wiggle my toes on cool hardwood floor, grungy though it may be at the moment.  Life is good.  Even if I have to threaten it with a carpet knife, an unwieldy uninstall, and a rather kludgy restoration at times.  :D

~w

POEM: Opening

OPENING

2014071201 - c 2014 wlc

Going out to meet some friends

I feel their faces, glowing smiles

Fully of happy sunlit ventures

Not whatever money buys

As the mem'ries cascade through

Time and space they do traverse

I feel Your touch so deep inside

And start to cry as we converse

There are no words, no imagery

Just a wordless touch of soul

In several seconds' time of talk

I've been shown my life is whole

I sit here driving, crying still

My heart alight with Love, Your Will

Words attempt to make their way

But are, as always, pale display

food essentials

I've often thought of food essentials for easy dinners and such.  I think my staples are the following.

~DRY~

Spices (marjoram, basil, thyme, rosemary, cumin, coriander, cayenne, curry, cajun)

Flour

Salt and pepper

Baking soda

Rice

Olive Oil

~FROZEN~

Crock pot chicken meat

Crock pot Soup stock

Peas, Peppers, Corn

~REFRIGERATED~

Butter

Milk

Heavy Cream (can also be frozen)

Mayonnaise

Lemon Juice

Shredded cheese

Eggs

~FRESH~

Onion

Garlic

Salad Greens

Celery

Carrots

Ginger

Potatoes

With the above, I can make chicken and rice in various incarnations - with or without hot spices, a bit of an indian flair or more cajun in nature, mexicanish, plainer, etc... with or without various veggies... put it on a plate or in a wrap or in a pita bread... Put some soup stock in for a rich and satisfying soup... Use soup stock as a base for freshly chopped veggies and cilantro and lemon juice with some noodles for a nice "Pho" type dish... Put chicken meat in between slices of bread with some mayo and greens... fried eggs... pan bread in many flavours... scones with fresh cream/whipped cream... green salad with any of the above in there that are desired... potato cream soup... the list goes on and on and on, things are interchangeable for variety, and most everything is pretty easy.

I think my favourite tools are the fry pan, a dutch oven with cover, holey spoon, sharp knife and/or Ulu, the crock pot, the mixer, and a whisk.  Oh, and the thing that opens stuck things.  Jar opener?  I think that's what that is.  And... tupperware-like things to store extra food in.  :)

~w

Usefulness

It never ceases to amaze me how moods can vary so... and they're all internal to oneself much of the time.

Much of the time at work, I feel stupid, useless, and unappreciated when I /do/ feel useful.  Much of the time in general, actually, I feel either that way or like I'm getting old and fat and don't look much forward to getting older and fatter.

Being a morning person, I usually have what my husband calls morning "bursts."  I.e., I awaken between 5:57am and 6:07am, barely remember to stretch my feet, jump out of bed with my mind racing, and wander around the house cleaning or cooking or whatever strikes my fancy.  He eventually gets up by 6:30 or 7 (8 or 9 on weekends) and comes downstairs with a look of death on his face.  "Grunt.  Argh.  Unh.  What the.  Did you have a burst?"  "Yup.  You want some breakfast?"

Then I get to work, all bubbly (still morrrrninnnnnng), and my colleagues look up in dismay.  "It's back."  "Oh God."  "Can you like, just, sit there and not be like that?"

I pull my spirit into my skin as best I can over the next fifteen minutes, about to explode with joy, and emanate sparks of tamped down energy from my chair for about an hour.

10am.  By now I'm somewhat normal... I begin dropping when everyone else's caffeine levels have risen enough to make them approachable.  However, don't give me detail work.  I'm still scatterbrained.

11am.  I am now stupid.  I can still function, but by now I've worn myself out by holding my energy at bay, and it has seeped into the carpet, through the floor, into the earth, and out the other side for some other unfortunate morning person to utilize.  I feel useless.  I feel unliked, like I don't fit in, and like my memory's shot.

2pm.  Now I'm simply exhausted and wondering why I'm in this profession.  What was I thinking?  Oh my God.  I'm going to die.  Where are my headphones?  I find them and turn them up as loud as I dare so I don't lose my focus for the umpteenth time.

3pm.  Holy crap is it 3pm already?  Why am I so tired all the time?  When are these people going to leave so I can be myself again?  Might as well just smack me with a brick.  I don't even know why I'm being paid to sit here being stupid.

4pm.  Most of the time, my colleagues leave about now.  Suddenly the silence turns into music, even if I don't put my headphones back on.  I bid my colleagues adieu as they almost run for the door and grin inside.  Now I tackle the detail/thinking work.  With a vengeance.

5:50pm.  Shit, really?  I was just getting started!!  I pack up and head home by 6:10.

Then I enjoy Carr.  Sometimes my mood by now has shifted into happy again.  Most of the time I enjoy the sound of Carr for a while as I drive, but then my memories surface and I miss my friends.  A lot.  In fact, I think about them often throughout the day sometimes without meaning to.  Usually when I feel put down or stupid, which is often.  Sometimes I still cry, although most of the time I can prevent that and only produce a deep aching inside with a bit of mist that is quickly subdued by revving the engine or something.  I try to think about what I want to do when I get home.  That sometimes helps, but often it doesn't.  I know I will have three hours to have dinner, check email, do whatever chores I need to do that were not done before, take care of critters, and then, most likely, I'll end up wasting time on the computer and making myself feel worse.

Occasionally, I find ways around this stupidity.  For instance, today, I ran across a report at work of closed tickets over the last 24 hours, 7 days, month, year, and all time.  I saw my name and did some comparisons to the people I think of as the workhorses.  I'm actually pretty even with them if you look at numbers.  First I tell myself, well, the numbers are warped because I have tickets I can close quickly.  Then I remember all the hours-long or even days-long tickets that I spend hours or days feeling stupid about only to have some "ah ha" moment where everything gels and the problem is resolved.  In fact, many of my tickets are like that.  It's the nature of what I do.  It involves a lot of problem solving and research and poking.

I got home in much better spirits, also having at least completed something (even if I'm pretty sure it won't turn out well the first round).  Then I saw that Dale was missing.  So was his car.  Okay... So I took care of the cat litter as fast as I could.  He's always doing stuff.  I was painstaking about it.  I even washed the floor beneath and around the pans with my favourite herbal solution.  Then I took the used litter out to the garbage bin.  I set about putting things away, sweeping, caring for critters, doing laundry and other chores.  He gets home and I ask what else he's going to do besides putting in the a/c and mowing the lawn.  "Trash and recycling," he says.  "I'll do those," I tell him.  "That would be nice but... what I really want is food when I'm done.  I'd really rather have that if you don't mind."  "You'll be mowing for an hour.  I'll have plenty of time to do both."

So I did.  By now I'm feeling pretty good, and have stopped feeling useless at least.  Dale comes in, sweaty and grassy, and sniffs the air with excitement.  He looks me straight in the eye and thanks me for everything by asking, "How do I deserve all this?"  I'm surprised.  "How do I deserve all you do?  You mow the lawn!"  Then as I wander into the living room to turn on the TV for the last hour of my day, my nose perks up and I realise that the wonderful scent in the air was my doing.  The smoothness of the floor was me.  The happily fed creatures?  Me again.  I got home, and in two hours, did all that.

I'm not stupid or useless.  I'm human, and I am apparently just as insecure as many people are.  The scary thing is that there are suffering people in the world and I'm still upset about leaving friends behind.  Moron.  ;)

~nv