The other night my cousin told me what my mother's computer issue was. I agreed and mentioned something along the lines of having ruled out the hard drive earlier in the day. She replied to that with anecdotal evidence that hard drives don't sound like that. I know hard drives CAN sound like a fan's ball bearing when they're on their way out, but whatever. She's not as experienced and didn't realize there are different sounds to a dying hard drive. Her statement was like a fallacy; my hard drive died and sounded different, therefore all dying hard drives sound like mine did. A child's statement - like saying, "Because I'm white, everyone must be white." Then you see someone from India or Africa and go, "Whoa..."
Anywho, the experiences I've had with CAPD have taught me many things, one of which is "don't go flying off the handle at every little annoyance." I've noticed this to be a handy thing to remember in relationships, and especially in my relationship with Dale, because we both have the same problem with understanding people at times and replying "appropriately." So, I try to hold back reacting until I have had a chance to think about things more rationally, whenever I feel slighted somehow. This even carries over into non-communication issues, like two days ago, when I brought him lunch at work. I wanted to surprise him, so I drove down without calling first. Both doors were locked. I couldn't get in and had to call anyway. He seemed almost annoyed that I called, but I know that sound - it's not quite annoyance, but more like, "Wait, you never call me at work, and I'm at work, why are you calling me, and why are you saying you're outside with lunch? You're throwing me through a loop here 'cause you never bring me lunch anymore since you work days now. I've been put on the spot and cannot think." So I said, "Oh, you have lunch, sorry. I'll go home." "Do you want me to come out?" I heard him hesitantly ask. "No, no, don't worry about it. I'll just head home." So I left. I was upset on the way home, letting my imagination run away with itself... work is more important than me, just because he's already got lunch he doesn't wanna see me... But ultimately, I realized I wasn't upset with him nor did I have reason to be. I was really upset with the fact that my plans to surprise him had failed. Instead, I spent 40 minutes driving for no reason other than to feel completely stupid. THAT was what I was upset about. So I reasoned it out further. "Okay, Self," I thought. "Next time, call first. It's still spontaneous but then he has a chance to react and you don't waste time. You don't have to just pop in to surprise him. Besides, giving him a 20 minute heads up might even be nicer for him, so he can mentally prepare for the visit and also look forward to it. You know how YOU feel when put on the spot like that. Why would you want to do that to someone else? It's your own fault your plans failed."
So, I brought myself out of my misery and enjoyed the rest of the day. Unfortunately, what I didn't know until later is that Dale felt bad all afternoon because he didn't even come out to see me after I went through all that. We discussed this and I assured him as to why I wasn't upset and why he shouldn't feel bad.
Funny what an act of spontaneity and lack of forethought can do, huh? This is why open communication is so important in a relationship, and why it's so critical to listen and care about the other person. Most of our misunderstandings, in fact, arise when one of us is trying to be helpful to the other but doesn't explain that. We're so independent that we miss it at first and think something weird is going on. Reminds me of this show I saw once where a guy was taking dance lessons to surprise his wife at their anniversary... he wanted to take her to dinner and ask her to dance, which she had always wished he would do. She, however, noticed his weird excuses for "working late" and began suspecting him of having an affair. She ended up being in a really bad mood on their anniversary, but he asked her to dance anyway. She asked, "Wait, you don't dance, how did you learn?" to which he explained all the long nights "at work." Then of course she felt like a crud and began to cry. I forget what show that was but it's another example of how secrets can hurt, even when they're well-intentioned ones.
That's all for now.
~nv
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