The word "wrong" is not always used per definition given it in Merriam-Webster. I know the version where "wrong" means "incorrect or not true." I did not realize that the word is often used in two other scenarios: When someone disagrees with your opinion, and when someone is trying to explain to you that you're stating something in an uncommon manner.
Looking back on things, he's absolutely right, and it explains so much. Knowing this is bringing a barrage of emotions I can't even fathom right now. Relief in some ways, for all the times I was told I was wrong when I knew I couldn't be due to the wrongness being something I perceived inside, like what I was feeling or what I preferred and why. But also, utter astonishment on just how poor my grasp of working English continues to be. I studied the dictionary, I learned how to read and write, and I thought I could learn to communicate visually while pretending to be communicating with sound. I think I have finally just realised that the spoken word and the written word are two different languages. I will never be good at the former because I don't have the right equipment to learn it. There's nothing wrong with me after all, and I'm not technically wrong about my opinions. I simply don't grasp spoken English very well and probably never will, and therefore, need to be extra careful to clarify intent when I feel miffed.
To make myself feel more accepted, though, or perhaps less so depending on what I found, I did take another gander over to google to look for CAPD symptoms again. In this case, I felt more reassured that I'm not crazy (well, the jury's still out on that one!) but rather, it's something that is known and therefore technically socially acceptable, even if difficult to live with.
Difficulty understanding language.
Difficulty expressing oneself.
I have always felt the latter could only be done via creative outlets - i.e., writing, painting, music (although no one wants to hear me sing, lol). The first, I always skimmed over because I thought it meant /all/ language - i.e., spoken and written language are one in the same. If it means either both OR just spoken, however…
Anywho, I suppose I could feel sorry for myself some more but in reality I'm one heck of a smart person to have been able to fool so many people (and myself) into thinking I understood them all these years. Smart, and very, very deluded. Oh well, so be it.
I'm so fucked. I wonder what it's going to be like when I'm old and hard of hearing in addition to plagued with CAPD? I'm going to be one heck of an annoying (and frustrated) old woman, that's for sure!
~w
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