I've read thus far. Not a bad class. In fact, I'm enjoying it quite
a bit. I still think I'd have fared better with VB .NET as far as
application goes, but this'll help down the road once I've GOT VB
under my belt. I've decided to take a college course in VB since work
wants me to work with it but doesn't appear to want me to learn it
officially. (We'll just see about that.)
The instructor offered up a good idea for a book, which I'll probably
locate and purchase. It's something about Object-oriented thought
process:
Sounds exactly like what I need, to understand methods, classes, etc.
I'm all about symbols and cryptic things that follow a logical
progression in one big long file, and as late I've been noticing more
and more how convoluted and broken up everything is getting in the
programming world. It's this object-oriented thing I think, focusing
on objects rather than pure logic, or something. Still, I do like
various components of the whole concept, such as the visual design of
forms and such. It suits me very well in fact. The trouble I have
now is with the terminology for the most part. I don't know what to
look for to obtain code to make the pretty front end do stuff!
A coworker tells me, like many others have, that my concern about
slowing down mentally is natural and that it happens with age. I'm
really not happy about this, but I'm learning - at least, I'm trying -
to get around it. It's also dawning on me that perhaps my current
academic smarts is now like that of many of my peers back in
elementary and junior high school. There was a time when I had mostly
A's and B's in elementary school, and I never tried to study
whatsoever. I was doing good if I even bothered with my homework,
although I enjoyed the exercises sometimes (on my own time of course).
For me, learning from a book was natural, easy. I never understood
the jealousy of other students who said they had to study so hard to
remember even half of what I could glean from a single interested
read.
Until now. Now, I understand somewhat. I can read something three
times before I realize what I've read; it's difficult to concentrate
on the meanings of the words unless it's written in such a manner so
as to be particularly descriptive and interesting to me. That in
and of itself slows me down exponentially. Then, I only have a vague
recollection of it, a nebulous expanse of knowledge that may come back
to me some day but no guarantees. This must be why people I knew
always had trouble with tests, while I aced them all so effortlessly.
I had a gift of some sort and by the time I figured it out, it had
evaporated. Guess you don't know what you've got until it's gone,
huh?
Still, if my brain now is like the brain of a typical 10-year-old
[from my time mind you], that's pretty good. Especially so, since
I've 20 years of experience on top of that to temper childishness and
naivete. I don't just memorize anymore, I seek to truly understand
and wrap my whole being around ideas and concepts. I can see the big
picture now and before I couldn't; I'd just focus on mundane little
details and soak up such minutia with a thirst that was never quite
quenched. Despite my frustrations these days... indeed, I am lucky my
brain is as sharp as it is, even if it's not even half as sharp as it
once was. Or so it feels...
Earlier today, I made a joking remark to my coworker (who is taking a
class near mine, thus we're riding together and such). It was one
I've made my whole life in some way or another; all I said was how my
mother seemed to be one of those unlucky folks sometimes; heck, look,
she gave birth to me, right? My coworker took me quite seriously and
admonished my view of myself. In all seriousness, I hadn't really
been feeling as if my mother were unlucky for having me, but as I
listened to my coworker tell me how I've done so much with my life
considering what little she knows of my background, how some in my
shoes may have become addicts or leeches on society, I felt inwardly
ashamed to have joked in such a manner. I also felt an oddly renewed
sense of pride in myself and in my accomplishments as a human being.
Yes, I have come a long way. I've come from a poverty-stricken and
emotionally abusive background and turned myself into a thriving
individual who is passionate about her beliefs and goals (what few I
have). I landed myself steady jobs, which eventually lead to my
current one - and it's not a bad job overall, let alone one I obtained
mostly with my strong desire to learn. A high school diploma, these
days, isn't exactly gold anymore. After years of fighting it, I
finally decided to get my driver's license and did so within months.
I bought myself a truck. And the best thing I've ever done aside from
getting to know God and myself was getting to know Dale. From the
ashes has risen a phoenix; the sun catches my gleaming wings and
shines in my eyes like a fire's embers flare up in the wake of a
breeze.
Yes, I'm proud of myself, no matter how many brain cells have died
over the years, no matter how difficult it becomes for me to learn new
things.
And I will learn VB, dammit.
~nv
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