Pumpkin seeds, the epitome of terror

Last night, Dale carved pumpkins while I tried to gather seeds from them for roasting. First time I tried separating pumpkin seeds from orange slop. I got a good amount but didn't get through them all. Then I fell asleep at my desk and when I opened my eyes, I saw a pumpkin seed stuck to my arm. I almost jumped out of my skin: GAHHHH!!! GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME!! NO MORE SEEEEEEDS!!!! (I think I had nightmares about seeds)

Carnage

Thought she could hide on the ceiling. Hah! Killed her dead with my 100% Authentic Nerf .357 pump-action pistol at a 2-3 foot range. Nifty, huh? I also tagged a male but only crippled him. Still looking for 'im, the li'l buggers done and gone run off on me with only five legs.

Nose wins again...

So I got out my breakfast stuffs and saw the yogurt. Hmmm... I could have jam or something in that, I thought. I see the cherry spread and a grin spreads across my face. I open the jar and peek in. No mold or other unsavories. I take a quick sniff just to make sure it smells like cherry spread. Satisfied, I pull it away from my face. Wait. NOT satisified. I peek back in, still not seeing anything. I sniff again, tentatively. Nope, nothing there... No, wait a second. Mold. I swear it. I look more carefully, still not seeing it. No mold. It is not there. But I am still smelling it, a faint whiff, very distinct. It has to be in here, I think, recalling very few instances where my nose was wrong. The spread is old, anyway, so it was a bit surprising it .asted so long... It has to be in here, maybe so minute that - then I spotted it: this dark, mysterious, greyish fuzzy slime clinging decisively to the side of the jar, just at the bottom of the jar's lip, where you would really have to be looking for it to have seen it. It sticks its tongue out at me and multiplies. I.e., then I realized its little family of spores had congregated around that edge, having little parties in my absence.

Nose wins again. The parties have been pigged.

~w

Windows 95?!

I just spent the last 2+ hours getting Windows 95 into a VM on my macbook pro so I can play Pod Racer.

Why?  Because I'm totally nuts.

So now I've got 16 bit colour and a bunch of startup things that aren't working.  Yay!!!!!  SVGA, though!!  Snazzy, huh?  And I got a floppy drive!!  (Virtual one anyway)  It's really brought back a lot of [cough cough frustrating] memories, that's for sure.  Nostalgia... nothing like it.

What I /ought/ to do is dump photography altogether and just start building virtual machines all over this thing's hard drive.  THAT would be cool.  Probably take up less space that way...

Cheers!

~w

spaghetti sauce!

Dale's spaghetti sauce took a wrong turn and grew mold during the time between last spaghetti night and tonight's spaghetti night.

I asked if we had tomato paste in the house, and we had one small can left. I proceeded to whip up my own version of sauce with a quick reference from the internets. Turns out we were missed several other components, but we had oregano, basil, parsley, and some frozen corn and peppers. I dumped it all in and added some ground coriander, a bit of water, a little olive oil, and a bit of italian seasoning. A quick taste revealed a very acidic sauce, so I dumped in a wee bit of sugar to balance it out.

While I liked my version, I typically don't like spaghetti sauce. So I was surprised that I was able to whip something up on a whim like that. Dale seemed to like it OK, so I did something right! But leave it to me to make something I don't even want to eat...

:)

~w

Not totally tone deaf (or something)

My friend, Jen, posted on facebook this link, saying she's recently reacquired the album and had forgotten how much she had liked it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DQxFG2hlGs&feature=share

I took a listen and immediately thought a) a guy sang the beginning and b) the higher pitched woman sounded a LOT like Kate Bush.  I listened a few more times, and realized the "guy" was actually a deep-voiced woman.  I almost thought it was Annie Lennox, but not quite.  So I finally looked up this Happy Rhodes business for myself, wondering if the woman was the /same/ woman throughout the whole song... and if so, it's gotta be one heck of a range she's got.

Four octaves, to be exact, with influences of Kate Bush and the occasional glimpse of Annie Lennox.  See /this/ link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_Rhodes

So apparently my ears ARE good after all, considering I only listened in passing.  Methinks that my family's musical abilities are simply a bit dormant in me and needed to be woken up by my self-instructed musical studies over the years, or, more likely, the intense listening to details in songs I loved combined with the brief studies in high school.  I may not have a good singing voice but I /do/ have /some/ sort of an ear for music these days.  Heck, I must have had it even several years back, given that I surprised my musician friend, Rob, when I picked out an augmented fifth from a Beach Boys song I'd never heard before.  I remember listening to the song with him at work and I was like, "Whoa, hold on.  That sounded like an augmented fifth.  Can you back that up a second?"  He did, already staring at me funny, and so I'm like, "Wow, I've never heard that in a song before, only heard /of/ those things.  That is what that was, wasn't it?  Or was it?  Why are you looking at me like that?"  (And I keep thinking I don't have an auditory memory ... I'd learned about augmented fifths in a high school music theory class and cannot tell you now what, exactly, they are... only that I recognized it when I heard it.  Talk about /selective/ memory!)

Detecting things in sound is still a mystery to me, though... like, seeing things in 2D form makes total sense to me, but hearing subtleties in music or speech or even something as simple as a bird chirping can completely overwhelm me with disbelief.  Sometimes I wonder if I experience sound a little bit like a deaf child would once they got over the shock of sound after an operation to give them their hearing.  It's got to be wondrous in many ways, even if spooky and unfamiliar.

Oh!!  That reminds me!!  I dreamt a poem this morning.  It's kinda silly, but it arose while I dreamt of the situation around it... the dream was that I opened a car door and saw the mirror move with it.  I had the notion that I was dizzy, and there was a hill right there, going down, a nice, grassy hill.  I "heard" the poem float through my mind at that instant, and it kept going through my head as I woke up, so I jotted it down.  It goes thusly.  I've named it "The Tumbling Dream" since it pertains and I did not "hear" the name otherwise.  I figure it doesn't care if it's named or not, or needed me to do it.

I opened my car door

The mirror moved fast

I tried holding my balance

But it didn't last

So I fell down the hill

Where I came to lay still

~w

Egads, this keeps going and going and...

Talon is working overtime today.  In addition to sorting through a gazillion pictures, I've also been opening and closing Outlook in its Unified state (Windows 7 in the background in a VM, but you only see Outlook).  AND I updated my website, psychomuse.com.  AND I've been scanning images into iPhoto.  AND I'm listening to iTunes.  AND I'm surfing the net.  AND I opened Scrivener for a while.  Talon has been up and running for 15 days.  The only reason it's not 30 is because I try to reboot him every two weeks or so, and then do a clone, just to make sure any bugs are cleared out.

I did have to log out of Windows and log back in earlier, though... Outlook decided it didn't want to play nice.  And iWeb crashed once.  In fact, it was when I opened Outlook...

~w

New treat

I just discovered that I like a form of corn meal mush with lentil soup.

Go figure.  I take corn meal, mix with water, and boil in a small fry pan with a glob of butter until it turns into a very very creamy gloppy pile of yum.  Then I dump it in a bowl and pour some lentil soup next to it, so they sort of touch.  Usually I don't like my foods touching unless they were made that way on purpose, but this is quite yummy.

:)

Photography

I have come to somehow frown upon my own abilities as a photographer.  I think it's the camera.  Not that the camera cannot do most of what I want to do.  It's about my experience actually taking the photos.  I see the shot, I take it, and then I review it.  The LCD on the camera never does the photo justice, so I often think I need to take another.  This leads to great frustration and I have to remind myself it's probably much better than it looks on the LCD.  Then I get things home and I'm often pleasantly surprised, but by then, I've already subtly thought to myself that I have no idea what I'm doing.  So then I start believing that, even when I see shots that are otherwise very very good.  I find myself going, "Wow, that camera takes beautiful people shots" instead of "Wow, I can't believe I can make the camera do that."  I feel like my abilities are nothing compared to what the camera's are, and I'm somehow doing things wrong constantly and the camera is the one doing the good stuff.  Let alone that I'm the one that frames things, which is a very large portion of making something look good.  Timing is mine, too, and often, so is the exposure, aperture, and shutter speed.  I control ISO tightly, too, because otherwise the camera thinks less light means higher ISO, and for me, that usually makes the process suck worse than a slight blur or having to hold still longer.  No matter, I /do/ know that while I have an extremely good portraiture lens, it is simply NOT made to take detailed macro shots and that right there drives me insane even though I know better.  I need to find myself a macro lens that is OK with taking general shots as well as macros.  I miss that aspect of my photography greatly.  Eventually I should look into lighting, too, but I rather like the lack of planning I usually experience during snapshots on the road and the like.  And lighting is not as portable.  I like a light load.  One reason I miss Obsidian.  That little PowerShot may have had some power issues like the rest of the line, but the quality was stunning.  I knew that camera inside and out, knew its limits, knew how to get around most of them, knew my own limits with it, and had many filters to play with.  I miss all that sometimes.  Dale assures me, however, that if I were to take pictures with Obsidian again, I'd likely find the limitations frustrating in no time.  I guess the truth is, I'm never satisfied with technology because not one single piece of tech can possibly meet all of my whims.  At least, not yet!

~w

Happy Birthday Peter Cetera

On this day in 1944, a wonderful singer, songwriter, bassist, and all around musician, Peter Cetera, was born.

Happy Birthday, Peter!

~w

poem: Angry Birds

Title's up for consideration still, but it was the first thing that came to me.  You'll note this may have elements of rap in it.  If so, it's likely because I was listening to Eminem as I wrote it.  Damned inspiration... it comes from some interesting sources.

ANGRY BIRDS

2011090401 - c2011 WLC

I watch the rain drops dancing on my head

Memories go back to when I'd wanted to be dead

When like a phoenix I had risen from the ashes

Ready to be what I wanted regardless of the asses

Back when all my friends said I should like rap

And all I could think about was Chicago not "back that ass up"

Peter and Richard were my inspiration

Even during all the hazardous times of declaration

When momma told me I should just quit

I fought against her life because I didn't wanna live it

Anymore, I'd had enough of people looking down on me

I'd had enough of living in destitution and poverty

My momma said when I grew up I could do

What I wanted but when I grew up she controlled me too

And then she left me here all on my own

And I wasn't strong enough to go

But for the first time I was truly by myself

And for the first time I was free to go through hell

I waded through the waters and got my heartbeat skipping

It got broken, it got shattered, but I was finally living

My life.  Then she was right there begging

All the while telling me how evil I was being

Imperfection's not so bad when you're living on your own

After all, I could do whatever I wanted, I was grown

Up, and I wanted to be happy

With what I was and what I was was friggin' snappy

I got some decent counselling and 'fore I knew, I knew

Someone really special I could spend my life with, too

I had come to know myself and all my imperfections

I had learned to worry for myself and all my aspirations

Go figure, now I'm here and at times don't even care

Sometimes I just sit back, and wonder why I'm breathing air

But she came, and she tried to take my thunder

I sat back relaxing, so lost was I in wonder

You stupid bitch, you don't even understand

What constitutes a friendship, so I took a stand

How surprised you acted when I went and slapped your face

Without any words and without a hand, you got a taste

Of my opinions towards your sorry ass

And I thought that I had won over that sassy lass

In a swirling moment we all found out the truth

And I found out on that day why I had always hated youth

Yet I overcame it all again despite my aching heart

My anger, like a cancer, exploded, but still we're not apart

Over time I've healed again but sometimes it comes right back

To where the floods come and meet where the roads'll crack

With the rivers rising all around us we sit here in shocked horror

Worlds destroyed beyond belief but people work together

To rebuild all that that has been broken.  I love to watch

The teamwork's like a crab hanging onto some rich girl's crotch

Holding onto threads of gold as if it were a privilege

But don't you understand?  It's like we're on the edge

Looking down upon the valleys and diving into pools

Of sparkling waters from Heaven instead of pools of a dog's drool

We have the means to make it, we have the shield to keep the demons out

We can live it up, eat chowder, while everybody screams and shouts the words out loud

Life sucks and it's so hard to live, oh my god, how can anybody take it all

Fuck this shit, I'll kick her ass, and then you and I should go hit the mall

No fucking way, I'd rather sit here drinking tea and being me

I like the silence in my ears when I'm sitting here just learning to be

She may have won some places in my heart but she won't ever win

Over my hatred because hating her won't get me anything

'Cept a bruised ego and a hardened blackened heart

Then we might as well have been discreetly torn apart

Now before my fingers find themselves typing any louder

Let's go get us some of that finger-lickin' chowder

Aura photo

I had an aura photo taken yesterday at 1:35pm.

Meaning that was told to me (I am very likely paraphrasing): Rare display as far as the actual pattern goes. Possibly feminine protective spirit protecting my head. Because of the intensity of the yellow cover over my head/face, believed 3 or 4 of such protectors or spirits may be present. He was very insistent that a significant change was due, financially, job-wise, something like that, but it would be an easy change for me because of the groundedness. Said "what's coming" is from the bottom towards the right side, what's now is over my head, and the stuff on the left is more typical. (I think.)
Bottom reddish color: grounded, very stable
Lighter orangey colour below yellow: new romance, or rekindling of existing one.
Yellow: intense intellectual activity. (I was studying the camera when he took the picture because it was a different kind than I'd seen before.)
Red at the top: Very comfortable with who I am.
Very red color to left: Very loving, signifies that people are likely attracted to me without necessarily knowing why. (Definitely paraphrasing there, it was something like that.)
Deeper violet colours at top: He thought this might be the fading into the purple that I normally sense. Intuitive. (Duh)

I was VERY surprised by this photo, but he explained that it's a close up compared to the old photography methods. I deducted from this that the purple is further out, and I cannot see it in the photo but do see it on myself. I do not see the other colours shown in the photo, however. Of course, these colours can change from moment to moment and I was also being strongly affected by being in the place, so despite seeing a good deal of purple from my fingers, admittedly, I did not get to look at the aura around my head. I typically don't bother because I usually see purple around my head, too, and that's never really changed.

The photo was unplanned. I had been wanting one done again for a couple of years now, because I feel far more outgoing than I used to be, more balanced, happier, friendlier, sure of myself, et al. The old photo was over a decade ago and I was less involved with people, much more insecure, and still quite attached to my mother who was not always good for my sense of worth. I also had a lot of growing up to do, still, and hadn't yet become fully comfortable with who I was (namely because I wasn't me yet). The one place that did aura photos, though, had left town and they only did them now and then by hiring someone from another state to do them. That was about once a year and I usually missed the window. I finally got into the window and set up an appointment and that is when they left town!! So anywho, turns out this newer place in town has its own aura camera and brings it in for photos from time to time. The guy made it sound like we could call and make an appointment or something. He just happened to have it there and Jen asked what was going on around there and he brought up the fact he had the camera and was doing aura photographs. Man, did my head whip around!! It was cheaper than the first time I had it done ($20 instead of $25). I imagine that's because it's his camera and there's less equipment to haul around. The technology is certainly cheaper.

Poem: Logical Fool

LOGICAL FOOL

2011082541 - c2011 WLC

Sitting in the darkness

A single light to shine on walls

I'd wander 'round this house

But there aren't that many halls

Every one would have their doors

And I would pass them all

If only for a second

I thought I'd heard you call

I woke up sweating one nightfall past

When something tugged below the bed

Perchance the cat since you weren't there

And though I know I'd cleared my head

Nothing to see, a chill ensued

Not a single word was said

I closed my eyes and fell back with sleep

Praying to my God instead

Sometimes I swear I'm just a freak

But then on days I wake up to you

I see the sunlight in your eyes

Melting away the logical fool

I stare at the blinds that make a collage

Of the shed outside with its sky of blue

And often the tears come and I can't help but wonder

To be so blessed, what on earth did I do?

garLICKKK!!

So I find this recipe [http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/roasted_garlic/] last night for garlic and think, whoooo, I wants it!!  So I makes it!!  One of the comments (first one actually) said it relieves flatulence, which I didn't know.  Whatever.  I eated a whole head of garlic last night, roasted that is, all the sulphur compounds supposedly killed by being cooked.  I figured, cool, I can eat this whole thing and it won't give me bad breath, like raw stuff does.  It was extremely tasty.  Yummy even.  Better than raw garlic, which I also love, but seldom eat because it sends Dale packing for Arkansas.  However.  Apparently even cooked garlic can do that.  Here's an outline of the aftermath.

Dale first endured the smell of the stuff in the house.
Then he moved out of the bedroom because I was snoring more than usual.

Then I kept waking up.

At one point I thought, man, is it just me, or does it stink in here?

Then I woke up to one heck of a long fart.  It was me.

Next thing I knew, I'd gassed myself out of the room.

I went to the bathroom for a good pee and all I could smell was garLIC.

Before I was done I let out a very very very long ripper.  GARLIC!!

I gassed myself out of the bathroom.

I even rinsed my mouth, thinking maybe it was just my breath.  (That seemed to have woken up whatever garlic was oozing back into my mouth.)

I had to sleep downstairs by the open window at 4:30 in the morning to catch the last vestiges of darkness for sleep.

I thought about placing the bedroom under quarantine.  I didn't even take my blanket.  I stole a new one from the shelf.

I woke this morning and thought, man, is that MY breath?

Dale comes downstairs after I shower.  I ask, "Uh, do I smell like garlic?"  He shifts away slightly and says, "Yep."

He just walked past me and said, "No one's gonna wanna work with you today.  At least you don't have to worry about anyone bothering you."

Sigh.  I stink.  AND THOSE PEOPLE THAT SAID GARLIC LOSES ITS STENCH WHEN COOKED /LIED/!!  It doesn't stop flatulence, either.  And I betcha if I'd gone outside last night or this morning, I'd still get attacked my mosquitoes.

I think the whole town may have to be quarantined soon.

Dale just came out of the shower and make choking sounds.  We're doomed.

simple things, and many of them

This morning has been perfect, except for the fact I had trouble waking up even when I woke up.  First, I blearily got out of bed and realised that if I hadn't been so accustomed to getting up at the same time every morning, I'd have likely still been asleep.  Then I realised I had some weird-a** dreams that quickly faded from memory.  (Something about Falcor from the Neverending Story?)  Then I got myself a pot of Ceylon Sonata and a slice of toast with marmalade and made my way up to my little relaxation area upstairs.  I call it my "tearoom" because it's a couple old cushions with lots of covers and pillows and a couple spots to place teacups.  I like to read up there sometimes, like this morning.  So I read another chapter in a book and dozed off.  Dale got up.  We proceeded to shower and then had scones and tea together in the kitchen and I saw that he had his iPad so I exclaimed, "He has a device!  Cool!  I'm getting one!" and went off to get Booger Bandit, my little Asus EeePC netbook, who has a recently installed copy of Ubuntu on him.  It took me a while to remember the password.  Then I began to browse and check email again.

Yes, I know.  I have a rather expensive laptop that I could do the same thing with.  Three things.  1) For those of you who won't eat or drink around technology, pretend I chose a cheaper technology for your mind's ease.  2) I had a tea tray behind booger.  He's smaller, thus had just enough room without completely rearranging things.  3) Because I can.  Why bother having all this tech in the house if I never use half of it?  Besides, it's a new O/S for me.  I've got to use it!

Currently I'm on Talon again (my rather expensive macbook pro).  He's easier to type on and has a nice 15" screen which makes it easier to see.  I'd forgotten how annoying a tiny netbook screen can be, but hey, he still serves a purpose.  Right now, Booger is installing updates.  Even linux distros do not escape the dreaded updates.  Se la vie.

So anywho, book, tea, scones, marmalade, tech, Dale.  Even Sinclair paid me a brief visit this morning.  He's such a caaaat.  (Still think he's part dog though.)  Morning is awesome.

:D

img addendum

OH and get this.  DVD Player remembers where you leave off, even on a different disc.  I suppose this isn't surprising (it's the same image) but it just never dawned on me it could do that.

Surprise!

Now it's time for TEA!!!!!

~nv

img

I love my mac.  Last night I had issues creating a DVD (which I seldom, if ever, do).  It's meant to be a movie you put into a DVD player to play on either a tv or computer.  Dale comes over and looks at the rendering menu error and starts pointing me in a few directions, so I'm wandering around the laptop doing this stuff.

I don't know what I did originally but I'm pretty sure it was something I did.  Thing went without a hitch once Dale got me in the right spot.  The entire movie I put together seemed daunting at first, too, but once I began to get into it, I was like, holy moly, this is awesome software!!  (iMovie)  And it was /included/ with my laptop, go figure.  iDVD was actually easier but seemed trickier because of the trouble I had.  But now, I have a .img file that I can burn at will.

Burning images is what I'm really ecstatic about.  Yeah, you can get DeepBurner for the PC or use Roxio or Nero.  But Disk Utility is probably the easiest, most straightforward tools I've used now that I know how.  Sometimes it takes me a long time to do things on the mac because I'm still unaccustomed to things being easy and intuitive.  I've begun to purposely complicate things just to keep some of my skills honed.  For instance, I admit that I did look up how to burn an image in Terminal instead.  Didn't try it, this time, because I'm on a deadline for this one and want to make sure I save time to fix any issues that may have came up in the image I made last night.  But some image somewhere will be burned via Terminal.  Nonetheless, DU is a very easy thing to use, too easy at times.

It's just another example of Apple thinking differently.  All computers are going to have their issues, but I find so many fewer problems on my mac than I do with any other computer I've used (even Selene with her very stable Windows 98se install, which had to be redone every six months).

Happy Harmonies everyone!!

~nv 

whoa, this is a ripoff.

Dale was just talking about Office and the programs that are included in the two mac versions.  I went to compare them for myself to the Windows versions and realized that they charge $150 for both the mac and Windows versions of the home/student edition.  I have a bit of an issue with that.  Onenote comes with the Windows version, but not with the Mac version.  It's a $79 program by itself.  I find it annoying that they'd a) not make OneNote for mac (I happen to love OneNote) and then throw salt in the wounds by keeping the price the same.

Admittedly, they can charge whatever the heck they want, but it still seems wrong on the surface, somehow.  They got their pricing right for the next one, though... Tacking on the price of Outlook minus four cents.  (whoo)  Anywho, whatever.  I have the full Professional version for Windows through work, great deal, that.  I might have purchased just OneNote otherwise (although I have Scrivener for writing, which is similar in some ways and native to Mac).  OpenOffice isn't horrible, after all.  But I am glad to have everything because it's so much more fun to use MS products!!  (And I'm not kidding, I do love their suite.)

~me!

More SQL FUN!!

Today I figured out how to create a batch file coupled with a .sql file that creates a text file of all schemas and their associated tables in a database.

W00T!!  That was a fingerful.

This is the most awesomest class I've taken in the past few years... I think the last time I loved a class this much was Cisco.  This time, however, there's no heartbreak associated with it, and it's actually useful in my job, and even at home (if I remember right, SQL can easily be used in Access, which I also use at home now and then).

There are a couple things making this one so special:

- It's at home, effectively removing all interruptions except the cat or an unexpected knock at the door.

- The instructor shows us lots of examples as he talks about the modules.

- It's going at a good pace.

- The labs are very very helpful, and give the answer which helps me get through them quickly, taking screenshots as I go for additional examples (future reference).

- The labs are available outside of class hours, so I can do them later as well if I can't finish "in class."

- During breaks/lunch, I can listen to the new-to-me stuff by Chicago, which gives me all sorts of energy because it's so powerful and awesome.

- I can make my own lunch, which is likely a LOT healthier (even if not cheaper).

- The time is perfect, 9-6 or so, giving me time for mind-helping breakfast, tea, and morning studies - morning has always been best for me to learn in.

- I thought ahead this time and read the book before class began, taking notes and raising questions before the guy even began to speak.  That helped prep me for the class material and I've absorbed more.

- I've been somewhat familiar with SQL anyway because I was exposed to it a little bit years ago by a DBAdmin, and a bit in my current job.

- I have a practical application for SQL in my current job and a place to "play."

- I can go back into my labs and play more, because it's a safe, non-destructable area to play in so I can solidify some thoughts and take further notes on results.

- There's SQL Server Express, which I've downloaded on my personal computer and can also play with once I figure it out.  (ROCK!)

- It's all about data manipulation and querying, both of which I have some weird interest in.

- There's a commandline version of SQL called SQLCMD!!  OMG!!  I'm in heaven again.

- I don't feel compelled to pay extremely close attention this time around for several reasons, which takes pressure off me, which removes "mental blocks."  Whenever I feel bored or disinterested, or an idea strikes, I simply go into the next lab and begin working on it, taking notes on things that catch my attention instead.  I figure they're either too advanced or not yet applicable, and I'll learn them eventually as I need them.  Also, the labs cover all the lessons, so I get my examples from those and snag them in my notes.

This week has, so far, felt more like a day off than most of my days off do... Just sitting around browsing the web, going through pictures, watching TV, and reading simply don't do today justice.  Likewise, there's no running around, either, so my body isn't tired.  My mind has thus been awakened and has all sorts of energy!!

Speaking of which, I still have ten minutes left for lunch but I also have an unfinished lab I want to go tackle, so... Laters!!

--

-Whitney

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contentsofsignaturemaysettleduringshipping. -- Mike Beattie

I IS POWERFUL!!

Earlier today while we were supposed to be working on our lab, I became a powerful creator.

First I made a view, then I dropped it off the face of the planet.

MWAH Hahahahahahahahaaaa!!!!

Okay, so DB admins and first-year college students and probably the kids out back probably knew about this stuff years ago, but I just got into SQL myself, so BYTE ME!! HARD!! It's FUN!!!!! (The SQL part that is, the byting might hurt.)

~nv
ps I was done with my lab because I did it while the guy was talking about what I was doing... and that's because I already summarized the chapter last night so I wouldn't get behind like I did with the VB.NET stuff... SQL is incidentally much more interesting...

Nom nom nom

I've come to accept this about myself:  When faced with certain types of it, I like bunny food.  It used to be that the fattier, meatier, more carb-enriched, the better.  I'd eat the skirt steak and wrinkle my nose at the green stuff on the side.  That was until I met a skirt steak sitting atop this wonderful bed of mixed spring greens.  It wasn't iceburg lettuce in there, oh no.  It was something called a "mesclun" mix.  And each leaf was somehow special.  One was reddish, another was all curly and funky-looking (even if bitter), and then there was this lovely, pointy green thing.  It tasted of pepper and mustard.  I found out it's called "arugula."  Now I've got it growing all throughout my gardens and cannot live without it.  Skirt steak salad is not the same anymore.  Now I don't care about the steak.  I want my arugula!!

I found this bagged salad mix recently that contains romaine, tango, green and red oak lettuce, Lolla Rosa, Green Leaf, Butter Lettuce (who knew), Mizuna, Tatsoi, swiss chard, spinach, frisee, radicchio, and yes, arugula... which of course is augmented frequently with a few extra leaves from my garden.  (Did you know you can even eat the flowers and seeds?)  It's a wonderful mix, not a single fragment of iceberg lettuce anywhere in sight, not for miles around.  I had *NO* idea that salad was actually TASTY.  Otherwise, I'd have had a lot more of it these past years!!

So I looked up common salad types and found this.

http://www.listmyfive.com/9be85a06/The-Top-Five-Healthiest-Salad-Fixings

I cannot say that I agree with everything on there... I've noticed that I have naturally gravitated towards fresher, yummier, more "raw" stuff than I do crap.  I go out to lunch from work a lot, but that's more social than it is a real desire for the crap I consume and sometimes I even ditch the burger and fries for a salad and baked potato (Wendy's is good that way).  But even Wendy's salads aren't nearly as good as the ones I make.  One thing I absolutely will not budge on, though, is meat.  I throw salami on my salads for the extra fat and salt, as well as a bit of extra protein.  I also throw on some slices of avocado and very little tomato.  Sometimes fruit works, but as I've mentioned to numerous peeps, fruit is generally bad for me, so I don't eat a lot of it anyway unless it's in a muffin or small quantities.  I do nuts from time to time but don't really like them all that much... other than brazil nuts, anyway.  And cheddar cheese - exactly for the fat content - is awesome on my salads, as is the peppercorn ranch dressing!!

My only point other than to ramble during the last few minutes of my lunch break is that everybody is different.  I hate coffee and love tea, and some people can't live without coffee and think tea tastes like leafy water (it is, by the way, so my insult of coffee tasting like the sludge at the bottom of a lake is better than yours).

I used to take some perverse pride in my tastes - I wasn't a typical woman who ate salad to lose weight or anything like that.  I pigged out on hot dogs and chips and soda whenever the mood struck me and never gained an ounce.  Granted, the years are starting to hit me - but that's an oddball one if you ask me.  Considering I've been FAR less active than I used to be, I think I'm in damned good shape for someone of my age.  My foot issues from four years ago have kept me sitting around more and more over the years and only now am I starting to perk up again from its finally-getting-there recovery.  If it weren't for an every-other-day mountain dew and a 4-5 days per week average of Wendy's and Taco Bell, my sitting around probably wouldn't have turned into the weight gain it has.  Likewise, if my activity level hadn't dropped a few years back, the Wendy's and TB probably wouldn't have found a place to settle into, either.  My metabolism is still there.  I'm just being very mean to it.

Anywho, all that aside... I felt funny at first, eating salad, because it was like I was giving in to "healthy" eating habits.  No way!!  I don't eat what I don't like... at least, not typically.  This stuff is freakin' AWESOME.  It truly is.  In fact I'm drooling on myself right now, wishing I'd bought another bag over the weekend, and I'll probably snag a few extra arugula leaves on my way back to work... straight from my garden, as a "treat."

Speaking of headed out, it's time... I've gotta get back!!  :D

~me!

POEM

SISTER/FRIEND

2011062451 - c2011 WLC

You never know what you might mean

To someone else, just little things

Like the colour of your eyes

And the shape of the iris rings

So many things to commit

To memory, so many thoughts

So little time to speak them all

So many things you may have taught

My eyes are on the verge of sleep

Fingers waver on the keys

This last poem is for you

Now I'm going to catch some Z's.

POEM: UNFAMILIAR BED

UNFAMILIAR BED

2011062451 - c2011 WLC

I sit here with my laptop

In an unfamiliar bed

Pondering the what ifs

Of what might have been instead

The covers nicely turned

Sheets were freshly washed

This could be something cold and stark

Not loving to the touch

But despite the miles between us

We'll see each other soon

And if we gaze out at the sky

You and I still share the moon

So I think of you this night

And lay my head upon you

If you're dreaming you might feel it

Even sense a bit of drool

I sit here with my laptop

In an unfamiliar bed

Looking towards our future

Content excitement fills my head

Frustrating project

I finally understand why my peers used to get so frustrated with me in elementary school.

It is _very_ frustrating to listen to someone ramble on about something you have some clue about when you know you CAN figure out what they mean, but also know it's gonna take a heck of a lot longer to figure it out than it would them and cause a significant amount of mental pain and exhaustion in the process.

I can't get over how something can sound so easy in theory and yet be so difficult to figure out in practice.  Worse yet, I've probably talked myself out of truly believing I can solve this problem, when I'm probably overcomplicating it tenfold.

GAH!

~me

POEM: HEALING

HEALING

2011062001 - c2011 wlc

I woke up one morning with darkness

Living in my heart

Exploding like a bad dream

Tearing me apart

She waltzed in and stole a life

I'd only just begun

Intercepting happy thoughts

Replacing them with one

I watched your thoughts as you would try

To see the good in hers

Taking for granted all this freedom

That our love infers

Still I'm in here and she's out there

Doing whatever she does with hurting

While I try to forgive

And wake up with you each dawning morning

I woke up this morning with gladness

Sunshine living in my heart

Exploding like a fantasy

Taking me apart

My love's waltzed in, breathing life

I've finally just begun

Intercepting sadder thoughts

Replacing them with one

I wouldn't change your rosy thoughts

I love the way they think of me

I've taken for granted all the joy

In the only way you see

Still you're right here when I'm out there

Doing what I do with thinking

While you go on with living life

I stop myself from nearly sinking

I woke up this morning with the sun

Shining forgiveness into my soul

Shooting my heart into the sky

Like a seed, a tree made whole

POEM: TO NEVER UNDERSTAND

TO NEVER UNDERSTAND
2011061701 - c2011 WLC

You crept into my life
You snuck into my heart
I tried to let you in
Though I'd known it from the start

Turned into a
Love hate relationship
And now it's left to die
This thing that never was
Don't need another lie

You know, I loved you girl
Now we're left here in the end
To never understand
Why you weren't a friend

What about the shopping trip
Or all the time we spent in water
The time we spent together talking
Even with the teeter totter

I thought we could have made it
If only for the fun
But instead you lied to me
The last one said we're done

Was it all about some theft?
Were you really after him?
Were you attempting to break us up?
Why else would you interject such doubt?
No one can be so self-centered
To undermine everything I do
And then to lie straight to my face
And say you never did anything wrong
I've tossed ideas back and forth so many times
MPD? Screwed up kid?
A dear beloved said it all:
There is no way to understand.

Now I think back on the past
I hate myself for bothering
But even with the horrid points
I don't regret the mothering
Perhaps one day you'll wisen up
Learn how lies can only hurt
Remember when you said it was just a game?
It isn't when you play alone.

You tried to undermine my efforts
And just as the tension lifted some
I thought perhaps we might just make it
If only for the fun

But instead you lied again
These might have been the harshest ones
Now I know we're done

Turned into a
Never was relationship
And now I'm left with sighs
This thing that never was
Who cares about your lies

I thought I loved you, girl
But now I see you in the end
I'll never understand, you know
Why you said you were a friend

O...M...G...

The never-was-a-friend I recently tried to wipe out of my life is a lookalike to my own dear mother.

I tell my mother that she misunderstood, I wasn't asking her /about/ the bible, I wanted to know why she insisted on telling me about it... and tonight she says sorry but my telling you about the bible isn't gonna cut it. She never did answer my email about why she insists on telling me about it.

What is it about people who have to shove the same thing down your throat over and over, then absolutely cannot fathom that you're asking about something completely different? What is so difficult about the English language? Is it just bullheaded fuckedupedness or WHAT?!

GAHHHH!!!

~nv

The House

Not sure what to write now that I'm finally in front of a keyboard and am at the ready, but I was driving home from work today and my fingers were itching to write something.  VnV Nation was playing, Sentinel to be exact, and the movement of the truck's tires clinging to the pavement while whipping around the soft, fluid corner was mesmerizing, if but for a moment.  The House came into view, its green shutters flashing before my eyes as if from a dream (is it?) and the tiered garden tipping towards me in greeting.  The rock-lined stream soon came into view, wrapping itself around a half of the house, caressing its yard of grass and woods and completing the dreamlike picture in my restless mind.

My mind, as it were, flashed back to when I was younger and I heard the words, "I will still hope there are better days to come" over the speakers of the truck, perfectly deep and resonant.  I felt caressed, or rather, my mind did; the synthesizers tickled the very essence of its being, a million little pins lightly touching my temples and energizing each side of my brain, lighting it up like a million stars in a swirl of ever-changing night sky sped up for humans to see more distinctly.

Just as quickly as it had come, the house had passed, and with it, the moment.  The rush of adrenaline over the experience began to fade with the waning speed limit but I felt my cheeks flush and the energy that had formed within my spine had made it into my eager fingertips.  The wheel was no longer enough and they tingled and twitched with urgency.  I could do nothing for them at the time, which frustrated them, but they've grown used to that and eventually gave up the fight.

I arrived home shortly after this, and went through the usual motions of domesticity, which I have grown so fond of:  Parking in the driveway, greeting my husband, settling in behind the computer, the chatter about each of our days.  My attention kept drifting to the computer, of course - it's what I do, day in and day out, for the majority of my time is spent preying upon the springs of plastic buttons.

An email I read prompted me to write about one of my experiences with mental imagery, which I did with glee.  Then we took off to pick up another vehicle and do some light shopping.  In addition to the external conversation with my husband, my mind was having its own internal conversations with itself.  This normally drives me mad - having to listen to two parties at the same time, even if one is truly out loud and the other is merely a swirling mass of thoughts.  Nonetheless, it occurs, and this time I wasn't all that confused by it all.  I could feel that pent up energy mounting, however.

Why, I thought, who cares what people do?  I have this stuff I want to do, here and now, and there are things I want to accomplish in the future.  I must seize my life by the horns and redirect it into something more productive.  No, wait, I thought.  I won't say "must."  I will say "will."  I will seize my life by the horns and redirect it towards a more productive task.  I will give it purpose, even if it ends up being meaningless to everyone else besides myself.

We took separate vehicles home and I found myself listening to the same song, Sentinel, by VnV Nation.  "I will still hope there are better days to come."  The House flashed before my eyes again, superimposed upon the highway home.  Highway to Heaven.  I replayed the song at least once, my fingers eagerly anticipating my arrival home, knowing that this time, they would win.  Energy pulsed through me, my mind alight with life and new direction.  Somewhere, somehow, deep within my psyche, a decision had been reached.

No longer would I mourn for a friendship that never was, and no longer would I deny my fingers the chance to dance.

GAH! Whyyyyy!!!!!

I'm updating characters and plots and stuff for this story I began in 1994, and have been occasionally adding to ever since. I get to the end of what I perceive as a chapter when... egads, I switch characters, and that's the last I see of the first one. She's gone, no more trace of her, other than when she's an adult. I want to know how she gets from where she was to where she is!! Dammit!! Why didn't I ever write that in?!

So now I have to go back and figure it all out, to satiate my own curiosity. Isn't it like, kinda weird, that me, the authour, has to come up with her story so I can read her story and find out what happens to her? Isn't that some sort of weird circle? Like, if I could only get through that door to get my key, then I could get through that door...

SSSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

I've GOT to find out what happens to her!!!!!

~the restless write-as-you-go authour

Fun, fun!!

Had some great visiting time with Mum last week, and a great vacation to boot. Came back mildly burned, and very happy. Friday was Dale's birthday, so we celebrated out at Fire and Ice (which we'd both heard about but never been to). It was really, really, really good. We have discussed it at short length and decided that it might just be a Peavine replacement (Peavine closed this past year, much to our chagrin).

Tonight we played frisbee (or disc) golf in Pittsford. Well, Dale and friends did, I just watched and offered words of encouragement, which I thought seemed more fun for me. I was smart and remembered to bring the DEET, which I sprayed liberally upon my person as soon as the bugs thought they'd found me. Then I stood back and watched with jubilance as they all bumped into each other, going, "What the...?! Where'd she go? I SWEAR she was right here!! You go that way, I'll go this way..." And they kept flying and buzzing around in circles, getting high on DEET fumes and floating around in a tizzy.

No wait. I was the one getting high on DEET fumes. I'm surprised I didn't pass out. That stuff is particularly strong in an enclosed place such as the cabin of a small car. Egads. I got home and immediately showered the nasty stuff right off me and into our water supply. Yeah, much better off having it there. Probably create some X-Men Mutants, but at least it wasn't giving ME a new esophagus. Then again, I suppose when I go swimming I could have used it as a breathing tube... oh, well. I'm sure there'll be more of an opportunity to sprout a breathing tube. I still have 80% of the bottle left.

Speaking of X-Men, we saw that movie just last night with a bunch of friends. It was really good. I miss the DND guys so it was good to hang out even if only for a few minutes, and of course Jen was there and Dale came, too, which made it particularly special, considering he wasn't sure he'd like X-Men being that it's one of those comic movies with superheroes in it. Plus, it was one heck of an awesome movie and I loved some of the references! Dale thought it was really good, too. Made me feel kinda geeky again. Things have changed for the better these past few years, but I've definitely slowed down and become more collected, and less into the excitement of technology. Of course, I /do/ still like to show off a little bit when I have Windows and Knoppix and about 95% of my gazillion apps open on my macbook all at once... but barring that, I'm really not that excitable at all!! Really!! Not even when it comes to the really exciting part of decoding perl script without even knowing the language inside and out... or feeling my eyes glisten with glee as I explained to the new guy at work today about what a couple of my happy little batch files do for us... or learning about this command "touch -t" that lets me very easily change the date and times on files... or...

Okay, I might still be slightly geeky...

Anywho, not much else new other than the freshly sliced bread on my plate. Thanks, Dale!! Methinks I'm going to go get my laundry out of the dryer, do a wee bit of drawing, and then head to bed. 'Night, all...

~w

OSes

I am very much loving this whole VMWare Fusion thing I've got going on, especially with the extra RAM I added a couple months back.

It's taken me a while to really trust it, but I am starting to trust it more and more, now.  I woke up this morning, dying to write some documentation for Microsoft Word, IN Microsoft Word.  My own little cheat sheet, if you will.  I didn't feel like using my work computer because I also wanted to check mail and have options in case I changed my mind and felt like working on pictures instead.  This is precisely why the VM was created in the first place!

So, I fired up Talon (who was sleeping) and checked mail.  Then I bypassed photos and went into Windows 7, where I have Office 2010.  I fired up Word, which came up faster than it normally does on my work computer.  Of course, there are other factors besides the 64 bit OSes at play here, but still... wow.  I began jotting down some thoughts and was immediately annoyed by the "Normal" style and its multi-spacing BS.  So I decided that was what I should start documenting - how to change that default behaviour once and for all.  (It drives me nuts at work, too.)

That of course meant some quick research.  The research turned up nothing, so I set out to figure it all out myself.  THAT was not NEARLY as difficult as I'd expected.  You simply right-click on the style, modify it, and whammo, done.  Forever.  Then I got fancy and decided to completely get rid of the "No Spacing" style.  I saved everything as my own quick set then figure out how to set THAT as default.

I is a happy camper.

The funny thing about all this is that I was using Windows on my mac and nearly forgot about that bit of trivia while I was working.  It's quite seamless... the only thing I feel uncertain about are the keys, because I know they're in weird spots - alt, for instance, is not next to the space bar, and so forth.  I suppose I could map those, but I like learning the default locations of things because otherwise it causes me issues down the road when I reformat things.  Four years from now if I do that, it's gonna cause me headache if I've fully customized everything!

On another note, though... I have figured out that writing "how to" documents is also a good way of documenting your personalizations.  I added a section in there for default save locations, so I know where to find my quick style and back it up.  I could then copy this quick style to my work computer and presto, the same working environment.  Go, me!

I love computers this morning.  But I'm off to work soon, so we'll see how long that holds.  After all, I'll be dealing with a bunch of non-vm's running only Windows 7, 32-bit.  Huh.  I wonder if the Windows I just created an image of happens to BE 32-bit.  I may have inadvertently made a 64-bit image.  That would be bad.  BAD!!  (So far it's working so I'd guess it's 32-bit.  Otherwise the printers would not have worked.)

~nv

You might be a [os] geek if...

YOU MIGHT BE A MAC GEEK IF, WHILE WORKING ON A WINDOWS MACHINE...

...you intentionally go to the end of a line so you can hit "Backspace" instead of simply doing "Delete" where you already are.

...you keep looking for the minimize button in the left corner instead of the right corner.

...you use Alt for weird things, like going to address bars.

...you try to use Shift ALT D to send an email and cannot figure out why you keep getting the date.

...you can't find the "eject" button.

...you're confused, but delighted, by the numeric keypad.

...you keep trying to scroll with the trackpad, despite the fact it continues to either not work or makes you think you've run out of memory or something.

...you hit Alt Spacebar and your eyes wander around looking for Finder.

...you can't figure out what all the noise is.

...you catch yourself being afraid to browse the internet for fear of malware.

...you can't copy and paste without LOOKING for "ctrl."

...you're always looking for the clover.

...you get frustrated when shift+ctrl+alt+4 and 3 don't work.

...you keep confusing ALT or the Windows button with the clover.

...you have to stop and make sure you type in a DOS command, not a unix one

...you're confused by permissions

...you try to minimize windows.

YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME WINDOWS 7 GEEKINESS IF, WHILE WORKING ON A MAC...

...you occasionally use CTRL+C and CTRL+V and can't figure out why it won't work.

...you hit command+D to send mail, and it doesn't work

...you get annoyed by the lack of obvious keyboard shortcuts

...you just can't learn Office for the Mac

...the shaky thing just doesn't work to get rid of your other windows

...command+ arrow does some weird sh**

...you forget where to find "aeropeek"

...you're always looking for "cmd" and it takes you a while to find "Terminal" instead

...you're always typing in DOS commands (and they don't work!!)

...you're often consulting a "comparison" list to get the unix equivalent of a DOS command

...you're pleasantly surprised when you find a command that doesn't HAVE a DOS equivalent - and is VERY useful!!

YOU MIGHT BE USED TO USING VIRTUAL MACHINES IF...

...you click on something and automatically take a sip of something while you wait, even if it responds instantly.

...you're constantly trying to minimize your operating system so you can go to your "desktop."

...you inadvertently close programs in an attempt to close an os

...you have trouble remembering which machine you're on because they all "look the same"

...you forget your laptop and think, "Drat, that had all my computers on it!"

...you chuckle when you clone your computer, because, well, you're cloning a few of them all at once - MWAH hahahahahaaaaaaaa!!

...you've got 8GB of RAM - and you're using all of it without even trying (or gaming)!

Understanding.

Understanding is a good thing.

:)

whitfeelingoftheday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtiXiYMS86U

It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day!!!!!

[despite the rain, which is simply good for dancing in anyway]

whitthoughtoftheday

Vroom, VROOM!! goes the little car

Even when it isn't

Driven very far

Striking blue colour catches rain drops

As the newbies drives

Not as bad as she'd thought

Vroom, VROOM!! goes the little car

Twitchy is his name

Flies when driven hard

Striking blue colour catching the light

As the newbie drives

Quickly out of sight

Vroom, VROOM!! Twitchy growls

Echoes in the distance

Like a carefree owl

whitthoughtoftheday

Apparently eating salt is not bad for children.  After all, boogers are salty.

Safety and Security for the computer

http://www.microsoft.com/security/pc-security/protect-pc.aspx

whitthoughtoftheday, 4/27/2011

Clutches have personality.  Some are really sensitive and like a gentle shift, others have a short fuse and will stall as if the whole car will bury itself into the ground on a whim, and still others are so hyped up on the car equivalent of caffeine that they're more jittery than unbalanced tyres on a road full of potholes.

Then there's the down-to-earth, broken-in kind that go, "Meh, whatever."

I like the down-to-earth kind the best.  It's like hanging out with an old buddy who's seen your messy house so many times that neither of you even notice any more.

I really really love this computer

I just played Airxonix on a mac...

whitTHOUGHTSoftheday, 4/24/2011

Easter:  An old holiday taken over by Christians and Commercialism, and my favourite one at that.

My foot screams at the thought of a hike, and my body screams at the thought of one at 6am on Easter Sunday.  So I sit here alone at 6:30am and gaze out the window, for it is a beautiful Spring day, the grass is green already, and the birds were so happy they kept waking me up anyway.

I wonder if the Rainbow Bridge ever gets flooded like the one down the road?  (Hope not)

I'm hungry.  Again.  Funny how that keeps happening.  Almost like I'm a human or something.

Virtual Machines don't run Airxonix so well.  They also take an excessively long time to scan memory cards.  Still... COOL!!!!!

I can do anything... if only I'm obsessed with it!

I love how the morning light sets fire to patches of trees on the mountain, then the clouds come to extinguish the flames.  It's very pretty and fun to watch.

My cat is like a dog.  He follows me around and stares me in the eye and purrs when I'm happy.  Okay, the purring isn't like a dog...

My other cat drools like a dog.  Ew.

I get to drive the Datsun today!!  I hope...

And now I'm so hungry I really must find food.  Perhaps a spot of tea, too.  With a little sugar, too.  I'm beginning to try the bastardization of tea lately, talking myself into it, just so I can use lump sugar.  I've already dumped three cups because of this, but hey, I got to use lump sugar!!

whitquoteoftheday 4/22/2011

"The grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side, so bring some fertilizer." –whitquoteoftheday, 4/22/2011

whitquoteoftheday, 4/19/2011

On the pathway to fun, speed can be very influential. (me)

Unity

So 8GB on the macbook is the difference between awesomeness and sluggishness.  I'd rather guessed that to be the case in theory, but egads, night and day in practice.  Now I can open Fusion, "boot" Windows 7 on its meager 1.5GB RAM, and then proceed to run whatever else I want on the Mac's OS X.  This can include but is not limited to iPhoto, iWeb, iMovie, GarageBand, Scrivener, Pages, Xee, Chrome, Mail, and Photoshop Elements, all at the same time.  The thing doesn't even hiccup.

Granted, things are still loading INTO memory rather slowly, but I'd expected that because of the hard drive's limitations.  But I hardly ever shut this thing down so simply opening everything once makes it so it loads super quickly... with all this RAM, the MAC has little to reassign.  Pretty much every app I ever use gets its own allocated RAM and once booted and loaded, it's speedy.  OMG, it's speedy.  Definitely the best thing I could have done to this machine.  I knew it when I bought it that I wanted to do this upgrade, and I was right!

Yay!!

~nv

my favourite room of the house

is the bathroom.

Followed very closely by the kitchen.

Nowhere else can one read, eat, drink, create waste, wash, sleep, stay warm and keep moisture in the lungs any better than in the bathroom.

I still want to create my own version some day... a slightly larger version, with a towel-filled cavity in the floor beneath a torch, not too far from a tub sunk into a slightly raised platform (just to prevent people from walking in too easily). Actually, there would be several such cavities for a change of scenery. I'd climb out of the large tub (big enough to do a few strokes in if you dropped down the middle separator - of course I wouldn't always want to do a few strokes; why waste water?) and just crawl over to the bed-cavity, naked wet and happy, and just plop it there and fall asleep. I'd likely do this every evening and wake up the next morning, refreshed. All my clothes would be in a closet next to a shower, the washer/dryer would be next to that, it would be bliss. A small fridge and cupboard would be near the bed for latenight snacks. Yeah. Of course the toilet would adjoin the main living area, segregated between the two rooms by walls, with its own small sink.

I've been wanting one of these "bathrooms" ever since I first thought I'd get into architecture. Alas, this design, while to me seemingly cost-effective, streamlined, and efficient (as far as combining master bedroom/bathroom and plumbing goes, at least), would probably cost a fortune and require some specific space. Sigh. Oh, and it would have windows facing all directions except north. I've have prisms at the tops of the windows for the sunlight to catch, and the bottoms would have some sort of light-filtering panels to avoid peeping while letting in the morning light. The blinds could make it dark if need be (such as for manouevring via torchlight).

Yeah.

~the comfort seeker

egads, I'm sick of being sick

Maybe if I tell on these germs, they'll get scared and go away.

Last tuesday I thought I was coming down with something, but I wasn't sure.  Just a slightly scratchy throat.  By evening I felt it taking a hold, though.  I stayed home from work on wed and thu, which was a bit of a sore throat (but tolerable, which says a lot coming from me) and the next day, a decent headache.  I would normally go in regardless of these symptoms, but I was also very loopy and confused so I didn't feel it safe for me to drive let alone try to get anything accomplished.

I made it in on Friday, still with an occasional bout of confusion or dizziness, but that hit me early afternoon so it was all good.  I felt great by late afternoon and thought I was fine for sure, and had just beaten the easiest illness I'd ever had.  Thought sleeping for two days was a wonderful thing, no runny nose, sneezing, nothing!  It was awesome!  So on Saturday we travelled north to see family and we encountered a sick toddler.  I thought nothing of that until Monday when I went into work and started getting a sore throat again.  By lunch my throat was on fire so I shovelled in a burger and fries and OMG do NOT drink Coke when you've got a sore throat like that...

I went home shortly after I got back from lunch because it was so bad I could barely talk without wanting to die and couldn't concentrate anyway.  Plus, who knows if I was contagious or not.  Well, I considered going to my doctor that afternoon but didn't see signs of strep other than the throat issue being my only symptom.  I thought it would go away by evening.  It didn't.  In fact, it got to the point where I couldn't swallow very well, either.  It was like trying to swallow a pill - you know, where you are aware of the gag reflex trying to keep the pill out, and you have to mentally trick yourself into swallowing it?  That's sort of what it was like.  The pain was horrendous.  Around 7 or so, Dale asked if I wanted to go to the ER and I eventually asked to go.  By that time I saw a line on one of my tonsils that wasn't going away and worried maybe it WAS strep - still no sneezing, coughing, etc, just the worst sore throat I can remember for a very long time.

Turns out it wasn't strep.  I've no idea what the bill for that is going to be, but I find it ridiculous because we sat there for three something hours and during that time I was on Benadryl, so my body was trying to go to sleep.  My temps, they said, were normal, yet I began to get cold and shook.  At the time I figured it was because the sore throat and the discomfort of sitting in a chair was keeping me awake when the Benadryl was telling my body to sleep.  My body really hates such predicaments and I'd begun wishing I hadn't taken the Benadryl earlier - I'd taken it so I could try to sleep through the remainder of the sore throat and lessen chances of postnasal drip back there.  When we finally saw someone, the doctor was very rough, gagging me four times and speaking in a condescending tone of voice as if I had any control over my own gag reflex.  I remember feeling tears streaming down my face from the gagging, and I wanted to slap him upside the head really bad.  I'd heard negative things about him before so I suppose when I first heard who he was I should have gotten up and said "Never mind" but a) I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and b) I'd just spent three hours in worse misery than being home and really wanted to get antibiotics going if it was strep.

In the end I had to drink down some narcotic for the pain and fell blissfully asleep for a while, waking occasionally to a very dry mouth and searing throat pain despite the painkiller.  By the next morning, however, my throat felt better - I could swallow, at least.  However, I was very loopy from the drugs and exhausted.  So, I stayed home from work and slept a good portion of the day.  By evening, I thought I was on the mend but I didn't have an appetite yet and I still didn't want to drink much, just a sip of water here and there.  I didn't figure I'd go in Wednesday, either, and I was right.  I woke up feeling better, sore throat gone, but my sinuses had finally started to fill up and a small cough had developed.  I was achy all over (minorly so) and didn't feel much up to thinking.

Then around noon, my appetite came back full force, my nose began to run, and I started coughing.  I watched TV most of the day and could remember seeing most shows actually end, so I knew my mind was coming back and I wasn't conking out every so many minutes.  I was very optimistic around 6pm that I'd be into work today because these are all signs I'm on the mend, and usually once they kick in, I'm ready and rearing to go.  By bedtime I was really tired again and the cough was still unproductive, causing pain in my tiny bronchioles and a buildup of thick phlegm.  My sinuses were mostly still thick with dark stuff (I won't be surprised if I have a sinus infection a week or two from now).  Then I woke up at 1am with a fever of 101.8 which rose to 102.8 briefly from my attempts to feel warm and less congested in a hot shower.  (Why do you have a fever when you're shivering uncontrollably?  I don't get that.)  Eventually I took some tylenol for the fever and minor muscle cramps (from shaking) and went back to bed and just woke up about 9am.  I vaguely remember Dale getting up this morning, but do remember when he woke up and said "Happy Anniversary."

Currently my temp is at 97.6 and I think I'm starting to get hungry but don't really want to think about food just yet.

I'm getting rather sick of being sick.  A friend called me last night and began describing what sounds identical.  She's been struggling with it for two weeks and says it came on like a scratchy throat, headache, exhaustion; then it seemed to go away and came back full force a few days later.  She's just starting to feel alive again.  Says she's known a few people that have had this.

I'm going to start calling it The Plague, and it's not Fisher Stevens, either.  (I've always kinda liked him, actually.)

Now that the germs have been told on, maybe they'll fear for their lives and get the funk out.  I'm gonna chase them away with a baseball bat.  As soon as I can move again.

~w

Creepy all day today

So this actually started on Monday when someone asked where a colleague was. I said, "He's out today and Wednesday." At some point in the conversation I recall joking, "Yeah, I think I'll be sick on Wednesday!" So yesterday morning I woke up with a sore throat, which I figured was from snoring. But by nightfall, it hadn't gone away and I noticed the "creepy crawlies" in the back of my throat, in my ears, up my nasal passages. I began thinking I was coming down with something, so I started on my garlic regimen.

This morning (Wednesday!) I woke up around 3am with a nasty bit of throat soreness, and knew I'd be staying home, but didn't wake up enough to call in until the alarm went off.

I've thus been home sick today. Well, the weirdness began around 2pm when I heard heavy footsteps on the front porch. At first I thought it was the mail person, but the footsteps very heavy and coming from the wrong direction. Turns out it was some heavyset guy who came to knock on our door. I didn't answer. He drove away, and I've no idea who he was.

So then I decide I'm going to watch some TV and I'm sitting here watching Dead Like Me. The last episode I watch is "Haunted." Just as I'm about to reach the remote, the phone rings. It's the vet. So I pick up and I'm told Lisa's ashes are ready.

Talk about freakin' weird.

~w

whitquoteoftheday

"Friendship is complicated.  One minute you're swimming in bliss, the next, you wanna smack someone upside the head." – whitquoteoftheday, 4/5/11

whitquote of the day

"Sometimes, you just can't help spilling beer in your laptop." – whitquoteoftheday, 4/4/11.

sadness

which is really silly considering how lucky I am, generally speaking. But earlier, a close friend of mine was watching me struggle with a foot that was so painful that I couldn't even stand with her and Dale to watch an event I'd been looking forward to, something as simple as just /standing/... then later, I commented that I was done with orthotics, it's been a whole year... and she said, "Yeah, you've mentioned that a couple of times recently. Why don't you just go buy a more comfortable pair of shoes?"

I wanted to scream.

If I could FIND a more comfortable pair of shoes, don't you think I'd have done so by now? I've wasted hundreds of dollars on shoes in the past three to four years, trying to find a pair that was not only comfortable, but didn't cause excruciating pain in my heel and arch. I've seen a doctor who agrees it's PF, and who agreed that the orthotics are wonderfully made. He gave me the options and they all sounded worse than simply not standing on the foot or going out into the winter and doing stupid things that injures it further. The only thing that helps me at all is venting about it when I'm in pain.

I won't complain about a condition I can't do anything about when I'm around her, because I don't think hearing "the obvious" is a good reason for murder.

Still, now I'm really sad because after all this, Dale made a comment about my stride making it better when it's wide (which I'd mentioned previously) and so I was like, yeah, it is better that way, because my arch isn't getting hit all the time by the hard arch support, it's in a different place. So I began walking beside him, he sped up slightly, and /she/ walked right in front of me, nearly forcing me to slow up and walk behind them both. It was in a parking lot, there was no reason for it, so it annoyed me, accident or not. I only said, "Dudes, peoples are in front of my stride!" and she sounded all pissy, like, "SORRY, I didn't MEAN to, zheezh." If she didn't mean to, and I said that behind them both, why'd she take it so personally? How'd she know to respond as if it were her that did it?

Which put me in a foul mood, because I then felt like it couldn't have been an accident, it had to have been slightly intentional, which is stupid, I mean, why'd she do that? So it was probably accidental. But the attitude really sucked.

I've come to the conclusion that I very much dislike hanging out with her when Dale's with us. I know I change in the situation, and so I've begun trying to be quieter, like I was today, and it didn't help her reactions to my presence, so I figure it's not just me that has an issue. SHE changes, too. It wasn't like this in the beginning but over the last several months it has gotten incredibly irritating to me, and I cannot do it any more. She never pokes me in the sides when we're alone, either. Only in the presence of others. It leads me to believe she's got power issues. It doesn't make it easier on me to believe this. I still take it personally and it wounds me greatly because she knows how much it bothers me.

I get that she and Dale are good friends. I get it. And I want them to have each other to hang out. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see they have a lot in common and enjoy hanging out and doing stuff. I can control the jealousy I have over the fact they CAN do all these things - hiking, snowboarding, standing - because it's not their fault I can't participate. It really sucks that the outdoors is what Dale loves most, and she's all too willing to be with him when I cannot be, and so I feel left out all the time, and being asked to join them is like a hard poke through my heart because after years of steadily refusing more and more to go out and do these things, I'm still being asked, and it makes me want to go, to be out there, enjoying the beginning of our relationship all over again. I can get over that, that's my problem. But why do I have to constantly feel like a third wheel when I /do/ get to be there? I hate it. I absolutely hate it.

Maybe it's running away from a problem, in fact, I'm sure it is. I don't care. I'm sick of crying when I'm home alone, avoiding pissing her off or getting pissing her off.

~nv

Whitquote: 4/1/11

"Consume carefully, and don't inhale while doing so."